Related: Why is my toddler suddenly a picky eater? 

Things that were once his favorite foods now end up on the floor. Not to mention his newfound love for shaking his head “no” in refusal when I try to coerce him to eat. As a mother, I feel defeated by the fact that my child is now a picky eater, many times even wondering if my cooking is the causing factor in question. Yet, I have come to understand that this conundrum known as the toddler food strike is just another rung on the ladder of parenthood—and I must learn how to climb it.

I had the opportunity to speak with Jill Castle, pediatric dietitian and Founder of The Nourished Child® and Advisor to Brainiac Foods about dealing with a toddler food strike. Here’s what she had to say:

“It’s pretty normal for a toddler to refuse foods they once liked, or get stuck on wanting the same foods over and over. This has everything to do with their developmental stage. Toddlers want to separate from their caregivers and be more independent, yet they aren’t quite ready to go it alone. Hence, the push-pull nature of toddlerhood and the desire to be in charge of their bodies—including what goes in it.” 

Related: Scientists found an easy way to get your toddler to eat more veggies

“Toddlers are also learning about the world around them, which is interesting and distracting. Parents might think they’ve done something wrong to cause food strikes and picky eating, but it’s quite typical for the 2 to 6-year-old crowd.”

If you—like me—find yourself in this same predicament of wondering where you’ve gone wrong and trying to decide what to do when your toddler refuses to eat, all is not in vain. Here are some helpful tips that may just get us through the horror of a toddler food strike.

How to manage a toddler food strike

1. Practice patience

If you don’t know what to do when your toddler refuses to eat, try being patient. Perhaps the easiest thing to do when your toddler refuses to eat and throws their food all over the place is get agitated. I’ve been there one too many times in the past few weeks with my son. But the biggest lesson I am starting to learn is that patience is my friend in times like these. A couple of deep breaths and a reminder to myself that this is just a phase helps to settle me in the midst of such chaos.

I also focus on controlling my temperament so that I am not displaying my upset emotions toward my son. I simply allow him the chance to eat the food placed in front of him. Once he starts signaling that he is done, I simply take the remaining food away, say “all gone” and remove him from the kitchen setting. Eventually, once he realizes that he is still in fact hungry, he may return for more later.

2. Don’t hover over your child

Ever heard of a helicopter parent? Yeah, that’s totally me when it comes to my child’s eating. I have a tendency to hover over him, trying everything I can to compel him to eat. As of recent, I’ve decided to take a different approach.

I sit my son in his highchair and place his food in front of him. I eat my dinner alongside of him and when I’m done, I simply get up and begin tidying the kitchen by doing things like loading the dishwasher or putting up the leftovers for my husband. I’ve noticed that when I’m not breathing down my toddler’s neck, he often eats more than he does when I’m pressuring him. Loosening my grip on the reigns and allowing him a sense of independence has helped far more times than not.

Related: How I stopped worrying about what my kids ate (or didn’t eat)

3. Offer multiple eating opportunities

“The best thing parents can do in this situation is to make sure they are offering ‘opportunities’ to eat,” said Castle. “Generally speaking, this would be three meals and two to three snacks per day. These food ‘offerings’ are nourishing, balanced meals and snacks offered every three or four hours. Parents can offer these meals and snacks and let their child eat the quantity of food that satisfies the child’s appetite.” 

“The key here is to offer several opportunities to eat nutritious foods throughout the day. Let the child decide whether or not, and how much, they’ll eat. Parents can also choose kid-friendly food items that are extra nutritious. Remember, ‘making’ a child eat often ends up in more picky eating and food strikes.”

4. Don’t make a big deal when your child doesn’t eat

As mentioned above, when my child signals that he is done eating, I simply say “all gone” and remove him from the kitchen setting. Castle advises not to make a scene when your child doesn’t eat, as this could worsen the toddler food strike more than it can help.

“Focusing on what and how much a child eats may turn into perceived pressure. Some kids don’t do well with eating when parents push, cajole and nag them to eat. Rather, staying on a routine of meals and snacks at predictable times and not ‘trying’ to get a child to eat usually results in quicker resolution rather than creating opposition at mealtimes.”

5. Know when to seek medical attention

Though refusing food is a normal stage in toddlerhood for most, there may be some times where it calls for medical attention. If you’re becoming more concerned about your toddler’s eating habits and notice worrisome or unusual behaviors that accompany your child’s rejection to eating (such as losing weight,) this could be more than a normal toddler food strike—and a sign to seek medical care. Talking with your child’s doctor can help you figure out if there are any underlying issues causing your toddler not to eat.

Related: I felt mom guilt and shame for having a picky eater

No matter how challenging the toddler food strike may present itself, there is always a way up and through. So when your toddler refuses to eat, remember that this is just one phase of parenthood with many more to come—and you’ve got this one as well as all the others

For my lifestyle, as a mom of a 15-month-old, creating and eating butter board was not realistic. I love a charcuterie board as much as any other TikToker. But something about the butter board grossed me out in my arteries. I also could not consciously feed that to my toddler. And what’s the point of making food if my picky toddler is not going to eat it? 

Enter: The peanut butter board.

I’m fortunate my child is not allergic to peanut butter. When I wanted to hop on the butter board trend in a (semi) healthier way, a peanut butter board was a safe option. 

Related: Healthy snack recipes toddlers love

Here’s how I created my fall-inspired peanut butter board:

Serves: 4-6

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Cook Time: 0 minutes

Ingredients:

• 3 tablespoons peanut butter
• 1 tablespoon pumpkin butter
• Handful of Stroopwafel cookies
• Handful of pumpkin-inspired Jo-Jo’s
• Handful of thin pretzels
• 4 cinnamon graham crackers
• 1 banana, diced

Directions: 

1. Spread out 1 tablespoon of peanut butter, lengthwise on your charcuterie board
2. Spread out 1 tablespoon of pumpkin butter parallel to the peanut butter
3. Spread out your final tablespoon of peanut butter parallel to the pumpkin butter
4. Surround your peanut butter/pumpkin butter stripes with the snack decorations

Related: 5 tasty snacks to nourish your kids-and their bellies

Of course, there are many healthier options to create a peanut butter board. I would recommend apples, pieces of wheat toast or celery.

And, even better, this was not difficult to clean! Once my toddler had dipped all the snacks in the peanut butter to only lick the dip off the treat and not eat the actual treat, I simply scraped the remaining butters into the trash and washed the wooden board under warm, soapy water. 

I wasn’t asking much, just a mouthful of “real food.” Not another mouthful, just one, single mouthful. That’s how low my expectations had become. Up until this point, my 12-month-old would only take milk, pureed pouches or sweetened dairy with any kind of enthusiasm. Basically, his diet had become a menu of all the things I said I’d never feed my child—until I had my child. 

Back then breakfast was a sugary yogurt (for shame!), lunch was a pouch (don’t judge me!), dinner was a pouch (OK, you’re judging me, I’m judging me). It was washed down with milk as a second meal and accompanied by a splash mat covered with my failed attempts at home-cooked nutrition. I was driving myself—and my husband—bonkers. 

I felt like I was constantly chasing my son around the house with a spoon in pursuit of the elusive mouthful. I had become obsessed, and probably a little scary. Kind of like the character Ms. Trunchbull in “Matilda” when she forces Bruce to eat an entire chocolate cake. I even had her greasy, mom bun, so this probably isn’t even an unrealistic analogy. Still, all I wanted after months of trying was a decent bite.

Related: Scientists found an easy way to get your toddler to eat more veggies 

Where was I going wrong with my picky toddler?

OK, this is where you start to wonder why I didn’t try X and if I had considered Y. Well, yes and yes. Like you, everyone seemed to have a magic solution that I’d already tried and failed. I tried baking those eggy frittata things with all the greens and all the cheese. I made scones, muffins and gourmet sandwiches. I tried blitzing meat and hiding it in pouches. I snuck nutritious cereal in sugary yogurts. Nothing seemed to interest my fussy eater.

Social events and playdates with other moms were even worse. When lunchtime arrived, we’d all whip out our baby lunchboxes. My friends would produce brilliantly-formed brioche buns, perfectly-carved carrot sticks and dippers of Greek yogurt. I’d present a pouch. If there was ever a time where mom guilt was at its most conspicuous, it was those lunches. 

Related: Confession: I’m a dietitian and feeding my daughter is a struggle

Now, there’s nothing wrong with any of the things I was feeding my son, if they formed part of a balanced diet. Clearly, in our case it didn’t, and I was acutely aware that there was no variety in his diet with several food groups being ignored. Knowing this made me feel even more ashamed.

Did it look like I didn’t care? Did onlookers consider me lazy or uniformed? I promptly followed up with an explanation that nobody asked for.

“He’ll get there,” my friends would smile, and I’d grit my teeth and agree with about zero percent sincerity.

Having a picky eater had an impact on my mental health

The comparison culture we live in today has a lot to answer for, but as long as my son was putting on weight and following his curve, I really didn’t need him to be shoveling anything in his mouth. I needed to read my baby. But that didn’t exactly stop me. Like I said, I was losing the plot.

I felt defeated, if not a little sorry for myself which I knew even at the time shouldn’t have been my focus. I was so prepared and willing to be a modern-day Nigella for babies, but it was a wasted ambition and this felt unfair. My innate sense to nurture and nourish my child was compromised, and although eating issues can be common, I felt like the only mom who was failing so spectacularly.

I was so desperate to feed my child and keep him healthy, but the cruel reality was he just didn’t share my enthusiasm. It was around this point that I wondered (and Googled!) if they sell 18-year-old boys the pureed fruit pouches in high school cafeterias. Apparently they don’t, so perhaps there was hope.

And so it continued.

The wild idea I had to help my picky eater

When I was feeling particularly empowered one afternoon, I decided to put my creativity to the test. Kids love messy play, right? I’ve got nothing better to do than clean up my kitchen again. What about a messy play buffet? This was a concept I created and coined to add some interest in feeding time. I wanted to take the pressure off my picky toddler, and myself, and have fun with food.

It kind of worked. I laid out sensory flavors like soft spaghetti strands, fluffy scrambled eggs, whipped cream and jelly. It was most parent’s worst nightmare because the mess was obviously next level. But in some tiny way it taught my son that food was something to be enjoyed. Of course, he didn’t eat anything, but I’d like to think this was the beginning of a new chapter.

Related: The scientific reason why your toddler only loves mac and cheese

At this point I’d also noticed my son had a penchant for circles. I don’t know why. Some kids go through a truck phase; this was our circle phase. He was fascinated not only by circular-shaped toys and blocks, but holes, screw heads, balls, buttons and puzzle pieces. Desperately, I concocted a new idea. I scoured the fridge like a starving college student, looking for anything circular or with the potential to be circular.

I presented my son with a tray of Babybells, cheese puffs and round sandwiches cut with the rim of a glass. It looked cute on Instagram. Not so cute on my floor. I went back to the drawing board.

Hoorah! A turning point for my picky toddler

And then one bright, summer’s day, it happened. My son took a spoonful of greek yogurt—and he swallowed it. Then a bite of toast—and he swallowed that too. I think I cried. Then I took a video and sent it to the family with the caption “we did it!” And then he had a pouch for dinner. 

Then 18 months since our gorgeous boy was born, we were eating. He was enjoying ground meats with baby pasta, and then full chunks and spiraled pasta. He was opening his mouth like a baby bird waiting for his mama to drop in another mouthful of actual, nutritious, home-cooked food.

In what seemed like a 24-hour turnaround, he ate a whole banana—himself! He went back to pouches in between, but soon enough those rare occurrences became the norm and today he’s enjoying mini-me versions of the dinners my husband and I enjoy—something I honestly doubted would ever happen.

So, what happened to help my picky eater?

I don’t believe there was one thing that helped progress my son’s eating. I’d love to say my messy buffets and circular platters inspired him, but the truth is I really don’t think it made much of a difference. Well, other than to create a fun activity and provide another opportunity for exposure. What did make a difference was time, and don’t you just hate it when people say that?

Related: Viral TikTok teaches parents how to stop making separate meals for picky eaters 

Eventually my son figured it out on his own, with his parents behind him cheering him on. The guilt I felt for months was natural, but unnecessary. The judgment I imagined may have been real, or imagined, but the person who was really judging this mama was me. I was so desperate to be the perfect mom for my perfect son, that I let mom guilt consume me and drive me to make some pretty desperate calls.

My son was doing fine, he was just doing it in his own time and there was nothing to indicate anything unsavory toward his development. In truth, it was my development that needed the most work. Together we just needed to take baby steps. 

“See, I told you he’d get there,” my friend smiled. And this time I agreed.

I’m no longer worrying about whether he’ll ever eat, because he can, and he will. If his eating patterns change, which I am fully prepared for, I’ll know to approach it calmly to just be there for my son, focusing my attention on patiently cheering him on, just like I should have done in the first place. 

Throughout my years as a private chef, mom, and food entrepreneur, I’ve discovered some key tricks for feeding eaters who may be more particular about their food choices. These tips have saved me when it comes to feeding my own children and raising good eaters who have a healthy relationship with food. In fact, I dedicated a whole section in my cookbook “Prep + Rally: An Hour of Prep, a Week of Delicious Meals” to conquering mealtime. 

Here are a few ways to make mealtime fun and how to get a picky toddler to eat

1. Make it fun

There are loads of things you can do to make kids part of the mealtime process instead of setting down a plate in front of them and expecting them to eat what you serve. Here are some tried-and-true ways I make mealtime fun:

• Choose a menu together
• Buy buns or tacos to make the meals more kid-friendly 
• Buy cookie cutters to make shapes out of veggies
• Serve food on decorative plates
• Let the kids assemble their own personal pies or burgers. 

All these ideas make meal time a fun event, and will allow your children to get excited about what’s on their plate.

2. Give choices

Kids are also human, and they should have the power to decide if they’re full or if they want one last bite. Give them the confidence to make decisions for themselves, and it will help with their food choices as well. Putting dinner on the table and allowing them to feel like they can choose what to go on their plate will help them actually eat what’s on there. 

3. This is dinner  

While I’m a believer in giving your child a choice, at the end of the day, you’re the parent and you’re the boss. Let your kids know what’s on the table is what’s for dinner.Once they know that other options are not available, they may be more open to eating the dinner you prepared. Show them all the fun ways they can customize their meal to make it their own, which can instill confidence and foster creativity. They will feel like they’re making the choice when really you’ve chosen the dinner, and they just get to choose how to eat it!

For more resources on combating picky eating, heck out the rest of my tips and tricks and loads of kid-friendly recipes in my cookbook “Prep + Rally: An Hour of Prep, a Week of Delicious Meals” available for order now. 

$27

"Prep And Rally: An Hour of Prep, A Week of Delicious Meals" by Dini Klein

SHOP

Serves 8-10

Ingredients:

For the pancakes

1 to 2 tablespoons unsalted butter or cooking spray, for the pan
3 large eggs
2 cups milk of choice
1 cup pure maple syrup
2 cups whole-wheat flour
1 cup almond flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon kosher salt

For the toppings

1 cup strawberries, cut into small dice
1 cup peeled small-diced fresh mango
1 cup thinly sliced bananas
1 cup thinly sliced kiwi
1 cup blueberries
Pure maple syrup

Directions:

1. Preheat the oven to 500°F. Grease a standard baking sheet with the butter or cooking oil spray.
2. In a large bowl, mix together the eggs, milk, and maple syrup. Add the whole-wheat flour, almond flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt and whisk (use an actual whisk to evenly distribute the ingredients!) until just incorporated. Pour the batter onto the prepared baking sheet. Place on the middle rack in the oven and immediately lower the oven temperature to 400°F. Bake for 15 to 18 minutes, until set and golden on top.
3. Remove from the oven and top with rows of fruit to create a rainbow. Serve hot, cut into squares, with maple syrup to top!

Hot tips:

• Swap in any fruit your family loves or fruit that you’re trying to use up! Or if your family prefers chocolate (like mine), nix the fruit altogether and mix chocolate chips into the batter before baking.
• Use all-purpose flour in place of the almond meal if you have nut allergies.
• Store leftovers in an airtight container in the fridge and serve warmed up the next day for a quick and easy breakfast.
• If you have a smaller crowd, feel free to cut the recipe in half. Use 2 small eggs and bake in a quarter sheet pan; alternatively, cook the batter on the stovetop in a buttered skillet as traditional pancakes (you’ll get 12 to 15 pancakes).
• This recipe also makes the perfect muffin. My kids gobble them up! Simply mix the batter together, add any extras (chocolate chips, blueberries, shredded apple, etc.), and bake in muffin tins lined with cupcake liners, using the same directions as the original recipe. You’ll get about 22 muffins with the full pancake batter recipe.
• When we’re shorter on time and need a quick pancake (and want to use up browning bananas), we opt for banana pancakes. I make these three times a week, and the kids love helping me make them (and beg for them), so the recipe needed to be quick. Mash together 4 bananas in a medium bowl. Whisk in 4 eggs, ½ cup whole-wheat flour, ½ teaspoon baking powder, a pinch of salt, and a drizzle of vanilla extract (optional). Fry in butter in a nonstick skillet with chocolate chips, then flip to cook the other side to make about 15 pancakes.

For more tips on picky eating, check out Dini Klein’s recommendations here.

This recipe is published from Prep + Rally by Dini Klein. Copyright © 2022 by Dini Delivers LLC. Interior Photography © 2022 by Ren Fuller. Reprinted by permission of Harvest, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers.

Though I like to think my son is a special unicorn in all sorts of ways, I know from my shared laments with other parents that his eating habits, as specific as they are, aren’t all that unique—at least for many American kids (culture has a big influence on our food preferences). In fact, there’s no shortage of ink spilled about how to feed toddlers and young children whose eating patterns, like my son’s, don’t deviate much from staples like macaroni and cheese, flavored yogurt, and fruit (give or take maybe a chicken nugget or hot dog).

It made me wonder: Why do kids love the foods they love? Was society imposing these food preferences on our kids, or did they burst forth from their mothers’ bodies craving fluorescent orange cheddar, buttered noodles, and bananas?

The answer is kind of the latter.

Babies are born with a preference for sweet and salty flavors

If you think about a typical toddler’s favorite foods, many of them have either sweet (fruit, juice, flavored yogurt, and anything sweetened) or salty (cheese, chicken nuggets, hot dogs) flavor profiles. Meanwhile, their oft-shunned foods (hi, green veggies) tend to be bitter. Scientists believe this has evolutionary roots.

Studies show that babies have a biological predisposition for sweet tastes before they’re even born. And there’s a purpose for this. While you may associate sweetness with sugar-sweetened junk food (not exactly a survival imperative), sugar is an easy form of energy, which young children need. “If you’re developing, you have energy needs,” says Rachel Herz, PhD, senses and emotion scientist and author of Why You Eat What You Eat.

In addition to signifying calories and carbohydrates, sweetness is a predominant taste signal for human milk, says Julie Mennella, PhD, researcher at Monell Chemical Senses Center. So an infant’s hankering for sweetness primes them to like breast milk. But children don’t outgrow this preference once they leave infancy. Throughout childhood, kids gravitate toward sweetness, which could explain a toddler’s preference for sweet foods, like fruit, juice, or flavored yogurt.

So what about other American kid favorites that aren’t sweet, like cheese, chicken nuggets, or hot dogs? Part of the appeal could be their salty flavor profile. Children prefer a higher concentration of salt than adults. This too serves an evolutionary purpose. Saltiness is a signal for protein, Herz says. Plus, it’s a mineral that our bodies need to function.

On the flip side, there’s a lot of nature behind a child’s reluctance to eat vegetables, which sometimes have a bitter flavor. “In nature things that are bitter tend to be poisonous, so it’s advantageous to not to be consuming bitter foods. Having these predispositions are helping with survival,” Herz says.

Texture and color factor into food preferences too

Of course, taste isn’t the only factor that influences a child’s food choices. Though less researched, a food’s texture and color may also play a role. Children are naturally neophobic, meaning they’re apprehensive about new foods. To a mild degree, this is adaptive, Herz says, because it steers them away from unfamiliar foods that could be poisonous.

Along these lines, a slimy, crunchy or uneven texture (think: yogurt with fruit chunks in it) can raise a child’s red flags. “Texture can be a signal for food that could be contaminated,” Herz says. “If you were eating something and detected grains of dirt or sand, you know you shouldn’t probably eat it. Likewise, if you’re eating something with little bits, your reaction is to be cautious. That’s connected to biology.” This could make the unnaturally smooth texture of processed meats, like chicken nuggets or hotdogs, more appealing than the less predictable consistency of a real chicken breast or piece of pork.

Color too may be a signifier. Children may show a preference for foods that are white, such as rice, plain pasta, or bread because they perceive them to be “safe.” As far as why kids love the vibrant orange and yellow of processed cheeses, “foods that are yellow have been shown to make people happier,” Herz says.

Of course, those survival instincts only go so far in modern times—especially when you want your child to actually get the vitamins, minerals and nutrients they need. Enter: ChildLife Essentials, which uses all-natural, non-GMO ingredients in their extensive line of vitamins, multivitamins and supplements tailored specifically for babies, children and teens. 

Even if your child continues to push away the kale and salmon you put on their dinner plate, ChildLife Essentials can help you feel confident their nutritional needs are still being met.

How to expand a toddler’s picky palate

Despite the fact that there’s a biological basis for flavor preferences, they aren’t set in stone. One of the best ways to raise an adventurous eater is to start ’em young. “When introducing solids, expose a baby often to bitter vegetables, fish, and spicy foods — foods that most toddlers would refuse,” says Dr. Natalie Muth, MD, RD, a pediatrician and registered dietitian based in California.

But what about those of us for whom babyhood is a mere memory? Is all hope lost?

Not quite. Food preferences will evolve over time, independent of how we parent. Though our partiality to sweet and salty foods lingers through childhood, it lessens with age. For instance, if you ask a four-to-six-year-old to sweeten a drink to their preferred level of sweetness, they’ll put in 12 sugar cubes, while an adult would add only seven, Herz says.

Parents can also help shape and broaden their children’s picky palates in a number of ways, as well:

Prioritize exposure over clean plates. For a parent desperate for a child to try new foods, the sight of a barely-touched plate can be stressful. But Muth urges moms and dads to try not to fret.

“Be as relaxed as possible about offering a food they’ll probably reject,” she says. “Don’t be so invested in whether they eat or not. Focus more on exposure,” she says.

It can take 15 to 20 exposures for a kid to come around on a food. The key is that they’re trying it. “They don’t have to chew and swallow,” Muth says, it just has to touch their tongue.”

Make food more appealing. Rather than forcing toddlers to try new things, “the key is to find tricks to make them want to try the food out of their own volition,” Muth says. A few ways to drum up interest in new foods include getting kids involved with meal prep or letting them pick out foods at the store. Or you could gussy up a disliked food by cutting it into a fun shape or putting it in a bag covered in stickers.

Try ‘bridging.’ Strategically bridge the gap between your child’s likes and dislikes. Start with a food your child likes and use it to introduce a food that either has a similar flavor but different texture or a different flavor and similar texture.

For example, if your child likes french fries, offer sweet potato or zucchini fries because they have the same texture, Muth suggests. Or, if your child likes sweet potato fries, you could introduce them to mashed sweet potatoes, which feature the same flavors, but a different texture.

If that goes well, move to similarly prepared but gradually less sweet foods, such as mashed squash or mashed carrots.

Pair likes with dislikes. Bring your kids around to bitter-tasting foods by serving them with sweet or salty flavors (depending on what they like). Add cheese sauce to broccoli to make it more alluring. “Once they like that, progressively take off more cheese, until they’ve transitioned to eating it plain,” Muth says.

Model an enjoyment of eating. One thing that becomes more important with age that may influence flavor preferences from a psychological perspective is the social context of eating, Herz says. A meal becomes more than meat and veggies on a plate when it becomes associated with having fun or being surrounded by loved ones. Parents can nurture this by showing their kids just how enjoyable eating can be when everyone sits down for family dinners.

This story originally appeared on Apparently.

Story by: Mary Squillance

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What if your toddler doesn’t drink milk?

Sure, I hadn’t had my baby yet, but that’s what all the experts said. I had no idea what it was like to painstakingly put together a meal for my child, only to have them reject it. So what if your child throws their labor-intensive homemade dinner on the floor—just keep offering! 

They were probably rolling their eyes.

Fast forward almost a year later, and my baby started solids. I re-read the books and stocked the freezer with homemade options. My child was willing to eat most foods (and still is), and I felt vindicated. Like most new mamas, I questioned nearly everything in those early months, but food and nutrition were my forte. Something I finally felt confident about.

My second child became a picky eater

Parenting humbles us in so many ways. Baby number two came into the world four years later, and this time when it was time to start solids, I was ready. I didn’t have time to make as much of the baby-specific food, so she was exposed to even more flavors and textures as I simply chopped or mashed what the rest of the family was eating.

She seemed to love it all. Until she didn’t. 

One refusal turned to three. Then five. Pretty soon, we were down to a short list of foods. Absolutely no vegetables; they couldn’t even touch the plate. Apples were the only acceptable fruit, and whole wheat anything was off-limits. Even tomato sauce was a no-go.  

I’m hyper-aware of the long-term impact of an early introduction of diet culture and food restriction on children, so I work hard not to label foods good or bad. Instead, we focus on making choices and highlight foods that make us strong, help our brain and heart, or allow us to move our bodies more.

But when my daughter started flat-out refusing all the foods that helped balance out her diet choices, I ignored most of my dietitian training. Forget calmly offering rejected foods; I did everything I taught other parents not to do. I coaxed (OK, begged) her to take just two more bites. I rewarded her eating with dessert. I found myself getting emotionally invested in whether or not my daughter would just try a taste of the dinner I made her.

And surprise, none of it worked, and it only made mealtime more stressful. The more pressure she felt, the less she ate.

I felt like I had utterly failed. 

All the confidence I felt with my first child flew out the window. I was a dietitian, the one who was supposed to teach other parents how to feed their own kiddos. And yet, I had no control and couldn’t even get my daughter to try a new food, let alone accept it.

Even worse, I know too much about food and nutrition. So I stressed about missing nutrients. I even worried she had ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder), an eating disorder in kids that goes way beyond your typical “picky” eater. 

What I’d tell another worried mama of a picky eater now

Some days I was truly baffled at how my daughter continued to grow and remain her funny, vibrant self.

But what would I say to another mama who came to me worried about her child’s eating habits? I’d tell her that the first thing to do would be to connect with her child’s pediatrician to check growth and nutrients of concern like iron. I’d suggest talking to a dietitian specializing in pediatrics to get some extra-individualized support. 

Even further, I’d tell her to look at her child. Are they happy, growing and meeting milestones? If the answer to all is yes, they’re going to be OK.

Motherhood means letting go of expectations

My experience with my daughter is just another reminder of a big parenthood lesson: There’s no one right way to do any of it. 

No two children are the same. I quickly learned that just because you take the exact same path with each child doesn’t mean the result will be the same. What works for one may not (and most likely won’t) work for the other.

My littlest isn’t trying to be difficult (even though she is my fiery little Aries). She is sensitive to smells (which I know ties closely into food aversions), and she absolutely 100% will not do something if she feels pressure. Her refusal to try food isn’t stubbornness. It’s just part of who she is and how she’s made.

So while I can’t completely let go (nutrition is important), I try to recognize that this is just one of those motherhood lessons. We can do everything “right,” but the tiny human standing in front of us may not fit into the typical mold. And that’s just fine.

She’s still not eating everything I give her. But the more I try to understand her needs, the more relaxed I am and the better she does (though this, too, is a work in progress). 

And we are slowly working on it, together, one carrot spear at a time.

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Best Bars: This Fruit Walks Into a Bar

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Three of my kids ate all six bars in the package before my oldest could snag even one. So: they were a hit. These bars come in tons of flavors, from pumpkin (which they devoured this time) to figs and mango plus blueberry, strawberry and the occasional seasonal special. Kids love these bars, and when they only cost $1.99 for a whole box, this mom is a fan too. 

Also enjoyed: 

• Organic Chocolate Chip Chewy Granola Bars 

Best Cheese: Mini Brie

Of course TJ’s carries individual servings of cheddar and string cheese, but did you know you can also buy tiny hunks of brie too? This brie is not too bright in taste for kids, and still luscious along with crackers (see below) or a crunchy apple.

Best Crackers: TIE! Bite Size Everything Crackers and Organic Garlic Naan

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“They have everything!” my 12-year-old gushed about the aptly named Everything Crackers. “All the flavors blend so well together.” And she’s not wrong. These little wonders cram all the best flavors of your favorite bagel topping, into each crispy little bite. Also worth a repeat purchase? According to the whole group, it’s Garlic Naan crackers, which look like a miniature version of the famous Indian bread. 

Also enjoyed: 

• Organic Mini Cheese Sandwich Crackers “I love these.” —my nine-year-old
• Pistachio Cranberry Crisps, which are excellent with the mini brie
• Italian Breadsticks with Olive Oil “really crispy” —my seven-year-old

Best Dried Fruit: Mangos

As an actual snack as opposed to a sweet treat, Trader Joe’s dried mangos are hearty enough to fill you up (especially alongside a piece of cheese and/or crackers like those mentioned above). They also take a while to chew through, which is refreshing when it comes to snacks that typically get inhaled faster than you can say, “Yes I brought my own bag.” 

Also enjoyed: 

• Fruit Leather
• Freeze Dried Strawberries
• Banana Chips

Not enjoyed: 

• Plantain chips. “These are NOT bananas!” —my ten-year-old

Best Combo Snack: Hummus Snack Packs with Pita Chips

My 7th grader and I both tried these and would buy them again. And again. This combo had the right ratio of crackers to hummus and the hummus itself was particularly rich and creamy. We both liked the idea of a savory snack that had a little protein boost too.

Best Yogurt: Yogurt Squishers

“Yum,” my seven-year-old gushed. “So fruity!” No need to pack a spoon for these low-fat yogurt tubes. They’re the sweetest thing on this list, teetering on dessert, but so full of strawberry or cherry flavor, I can see why kids love them.

Best Veggie Chips: Crispy Crunchy Broccoli Florets

Who knew broccoli could be so crunchy? That’s because the good people at Trader Joe’s fried this broccoli. In oil. Then sprinkled a dusting of salt so light as to coat each floret without overpowering its flavor (and don’t be so surprised when I say the flavor is indeed great!). My 12-year-old described it like this: “I like these because they’re SUPER crunchy and salty but somehow still kind of good for you.” Even with all the oil and salt you’re still eating broccoli, which, compared to the nutrition in regular potato chips, means coming out on top! 

Also enjoyed: 

• Roasted Seaweed Snack with Salt
• Inner Peas (finally, a veggie chip that isn’t made of potatoes!)

Best Baked Snack: Parmesan Pastry Pups

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Teeny tiny pigs in a blanket that go from frozen to “Wow! Can we eat these every day?” in 20 minutes. We paired them with a sliced apple and a few dried mangos and one box fed all four kids, but I’m sure they’d have loved more.

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We hope you’ll find some great ways to help make lunchtime fun in your house. Whether it’s a new idea for a wrap or simply a snack that your child has yet to try, read on for 20+ great lunch ideas for kids.

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For me, I had the goal of breastfeeding my first son until he was 1 year old. But that turned into nursing him well into toddlerhood. It was a pleasant surprise that was very beneficial to both of us; something I am glad I didn’t doubt myself on.

This is the perfect example in my life of how listening to my inner voice and reading my son’s cues proved to be successful. Everyone’s going to have an opinion, but in the end the best thing we can do is simply do what we think is best for our little ones.

Here’s why I find nursing your toddler to be beneficial for the both of you (as a mother and a lactation consultant):

1. It’s nutrient-dense + packed with vitamins

Toddlers can be super picky when it comes to eating. One day they gobble down plates full of black beans, strawberries and cheese, and the next day all they want are Goldfish crackers on repeat. Knowing that your toddler is still receiving vitamins and nutrients from breastfeeding can put your mind at ease during those finicky days. The immune boost during cold and flu season is extremely helpful, too!

2. There’s no dilly-dallying

Nursing a toddler is quick and to the point; they know what they’re doing. They can pretty much “serve” themselves at this stage. You don’t have to worry about all the gadgets—pillows, covers, breastfeeding props. They usually know how to ask for milk, whether it be verbally or with a sign. Toddler nursing sessions are quick, typically 5 to 10 minutes.

3. It’s an effective calm down method

Nursing is like a secret magic trick you have in your back pocket at all times. It’s the quickest way to heal a boo-boo or calm a tantrum. Did your little guy fall down on the playground and scrape his knee? Nursing makes it all better. Your daughter is mad she can’t watch 26 episodes of Elmo’s World? Nursing can calm the most intense Elmo meltdowns around. He’s having trouble falling asleep at night? Cuddled up in mama’s arms is the best place to be when the world gets a little scary.

4. It offers time to bond with your child

Whether you go back to work or stay at home, life with a toddler can be hectic. Nursing before bed was a special time for the two of us to reconnect and calm down together. Rocking, nursing and getting ready for bed with a song or a story can create lasting memories for you and your little one to cherish.

5. It leads to powerful connection

Spending so much time nursing my son into toddlerhood gave me the opportunity to be able to learn more about his personality. If he was anxious or sad, he would run right over and hop up into my lap to nurse. These moments taught me so much about who he was and when he needed me the most—and helped me help give him the connection and comfort he deeply wanted.

A version of this post was originally published on March 5, 2016. It has been updated.