Endometriosis is more common than you think  

According to the World Health Organization, some 1 in 10 people born with a uterus are diagnosed with endometriosis each year around the world. Endometriosis most commonly affects those between 30 and 40 years of age,² and up to half of those diagnosed with the condition have trouble getting pregnant. 

Even though this disease can cause pain and make conceiving more difficult, most people with endometriosis are still able to have children. However, receiving proper treatment and support is essential, as untreated endometriosis can lead to additional fertility struggles, pain and, in some cases, surgery.  

Related: A new gene identified for endometriosis may lead to a better way to treat it

What exactly is endometriosis?   

Endometriosis is an inflammatory, estrogen-dependent condition in which endometrial tissue grows outside the uterus. The breakdown of this tissue and the inflammation response each month can cause scar tissue to form, and even make organs to “stick” together, leading to chronic pelvic pain in reproductive-aged women or people born with a uterus, as well as these other common symptoms.

Common symptoms of endometriosis  

• Pain before, during, and after a menstrual period
• A family history of endometriosis or pelvic pain  
• Frequent or persistent sharp and/or dull pelvic pain   
• Pain during intercourse   
• Pain during bowel movements or urination  
• Bladder pain 
• Generalized abdominal discomfort   

Not everyone with endometriosis has pain or symptoms, though. It’s only once they try to conceive that doctors may diagnose the disease by ultrasound, a pelvic exam, abdominal surgery or after a trial of medication.

Related: Yes, you *can* get pregnant with PCOS. A fertility expert shares how

The connection between endometriosis & infertility  

Around 4 in 10 women struggling to conceive have endometriosis. The inflammation associated with the disease can negatively affect fertilization, damage the sperm or egg or obstruct their journey through the fallopian tubes and uterus. In more severe cases, the fallopian tubes may even be completely blocked by scar tissue. 

If you end up needing the help of a fertility specialist to conceive, your doctor may first look into surgery to remove scar tissue or large endometriotic cysts, allowing your ovaries and fallopian tubes to work better. Other treatments like ovulation induction or intrauterine insemination (IUI) treatment may help you get pregnant, as well. In the event of tubal damage or a blocked fallopian tube, in vitro fertilization (IVF) may help you bypass the “ovary-fallopian tube” connection to successfully become pregnant.  

Related: Amy Schumer says she ‘finally’ feels good months after endometriosis surgery

Navigating intimacy, sex and endometriosis  

In addition to fertility challenges, those with endometriosis often struggle with pain during intercourse,³ which can become problematic when trying to conceive. In this case, open communication and transparency with your partner is key. Share how you feel both physically and emotionally, and seek out extra support when needed—especially because endometriosis is often associated with a higher level of anxiety and depression.⁴ This makes surrounding yourself with the right support in the form of therapy (both individual and with your partner), empathetic friends and family, and prioritizing self-care and exercise even more important.   

The bottom line? Those with endometriosis can (and do) have healthy pregnancies and relationships. But the path to get there is not always linear. If you’re struggling to conceive or experiencing symptoms of endometriosis, do not hesitate to seek out medical assistance. With the right support, you can treat your endometriosis and grow your family. 

Sources

1. & 2. Soliman AM, Surrey E, Bonafede M, et al. Real-world evaluation of direct and indirect economic burden among endometriosis patients in the United States. Adv Ther 35, 408–423 (2018). doi:10.1007/s12325-018-0667-3

3. Norinho P, Martins MM, Ferreira H. A systematic review on the effects of endometriosis on sexuality and couple’s relationship. Facts Views Vis Obgyn. 2020;12(3):197-205. Published 2020 Oct 8.

4. Warzecha D, Szymusik I, Wielgos M, Pietrzak B. The Impact of Endometriosis on the Quality of Life and the Incidence of Depression-A Cohort Study. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2020;17(10):3641. Published 2020 May 21. doi:10.3390/ijerph17103641

Source(s)

But dealing with infertility, baby showers always meant one thing: being surrounded by excited squeals and endless reminders of the one thing I didn’t have and desperately wanted. The one thing I was fighting so hard for. It was excruciating.  

Related: When everyone but you is getting pregnant 

I found that it depended on what I was going through at the time or where I was at with my treatment. A week before one friend’s baby shower, we lost our baby. I couldn’t go.

I could barely get through the day without sobbing, let alone attempt to attend someone else’s baby shower. I had to put myself first. When I spoke to my friend about it, she understood. In her words, “Why on earth would you put yourself through that?!”

With my very good friends, I often did attend. Their baby showers were intimate, understated and beautiful. They would also check in with me before and after to make sure that I was OK. But outside of those close friends, I did not attend. 

Related: It’s time to stop calling infertility a women’s health issue

I often felt guilty and selfish. Why couldn’t I put my feelings aside and be happy for them? Why did I cry before and after? Why did I often feel the sharp sting of jealously?

From talking to other women dealing with infertility, I discovered that it’s extremely common to get upset, and often jealous, about others’ baby showers. If your infertility journey makes it hard for you to attend baby showers, you are not alone—and it is OK.

How to manage baby showers when dealing with infertility

1. Know that your feelings are valid

Infertility is hard. You’re going through something incredibly difficult, emotional and all-consuming. It’s OK to feel upset. 

2. Know that it’s OK not to go

If you are not close to the person, I doubt they will miss you. They’ll have plenty of other friends, family and work colleagues there to celebrate with them. And if you are close to them, as a good friend, they should understand. 

Related: To my friends going through IVF, I’m sorry I didn’t understand

3. Speak to your friend

If you decide not to go, speak to your friend—or send a text message if you’re not very close to them—about why you’re not coming. Most people will understand. Most will emphasize. You can also send along a gift with someone else who may be attending. 

4. If you decide to go, have a plan

• Is there a friend attending who knows what you are going through? Stay close to them.

• Allow yourself to have a good cry before and after. 

• Plan a self-care day for yourself if you can, preferably the very next day. Whether that’s getting a massage or going for a long walk—do whatever makes you feel good. 

• Drive yourself. This way, you can leave at any time you need to without getting stuck there.

• Give yourself a job. Sometimes being trapped in the kitchen making endless cups of tea or passing food around can be a life saver. A job can keep you distracted and can help the time go by faster. 

Dealing with infertility is hard. It’s all consuming. It’s unfair. So if you are feeling upset or jealous about baby showers, know that it is OK. Your feelings are valid. Be kind to yourself, because that’s what you need to surround you during such a difficult time.

Phthalates, chemicals known to be toxic that are in everything from medical supplies and makeup to food and hair products, are linked to the tumors, which are non-cancerous but highly common in women. (Phthalates, a term that may give you flashbacks to high school chemistry, is pronounced thal-ates.)

The study marks the first time that researchers have established that phthalates cause uterine fibroids. 

Related: Your biggest questions about fibroids and pregnancy, answered

Up to 80% of women may have a fibroid tumor during their lives, says study author Dr. Serdar Bulun, who heads up the department of obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine, in a statement. About a quarter of the women show symptoms of fibroids, which can range from anemia and miscarriages to infertility and bleeding. In some cases, women have to have the tumors removed.

“[Phthalates] are more than simply environmental pollutants. They can cause specific harm to human tissues,” Dr. Bulun notes in the statement.

The report was published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS).

The news comes just weeks after another large study linked hair straightening chemicals to uterine cancer. The chemicals in the products can include phthalates (as well as formaldehyde, cyclosiloxanes, parabens, and more).

How phthalates can cause fibroids

In the report, the researchers found that women who were exposed a lot to phthalates such as di-(2-ethylhexyl) phthalate or DEHP (a plasticizer that makes plastics stronger) had a high risk for having a symptomatic fibroid.

Previous studies have shown that there’s a link between phthalate exposure and fibroids, as well as steroid hormone levels and reproductive function. In a lab study (in vitro) on human tumor cells, Dr. Bulun and his team’s experiments showed that DEHP can trigger a hormonal pathway in the tumor cells, turning on a receptor (known as AHR) that binds to DNA and encourages the tumors to grow. 

Dr. Bulun notes that AHR was cloned in the early ’90s to be a receptor for dioxin, which is the toxin in Agent Orange. That was used during the Vietnam War, and caused significant reproductive abnormalities in those who were exposed. 

DEHP is just one phthalate, but it’s the most widely used one. It’s not banned in the U.S., but has been in other countries. Some phthalates are known carcinogens–meaning we know they cause cancer.

Related: Here’s why we need an expanded definition of infertility

You’re not just exposed if you touch a plastic item. Phthalate particles can gradually release and settle on surfaces; they can even accumulate in the air. DEHP can pass from mother to baby. (And kids under 3 are most at risk because they are exposed to a lot of plastic–and they tend to like to put items in their mouths a lot.)

Dr. Bulun tells Motherly that his team will do more studies on the topic. They want to see if there’s a link between phthalate levels in urine and activation of the AHR pathway in fibroids. 

Phthalates are called “everywhere chemicals” because, well, they’re kind of everywhere. But you can try to limit your exposure.

How to spot phthalates in products

Want to lower your exposure to phthalates? Dr. Bulun says to be mindful to read product labels, especially those of cosmetics, hair products like shampoo and hairspray, as well as trying to avoid plastic food packaging. And remember, products may not be labeled as “phthalate-free,” so you may have to know exactly what to look for.

Related: 12 signs you might be having fertility struggles, according to experts

Here’s what to keep an eye out for when trying to find out if a product contains phthalates:

• On storage containers or food wrap, check for a number 3 inside the universal recycling symbol along with the  “V” or “PVC” below the arrows. The logo usually is molded into the plastic 
• Opt for items with the numbers 1, 2, 4 and 5 within the arrows. Polypropylene (PP) is a phthalate-free substance
• Remember that most products don’t advertise that they contain phthalates. Look for these acronyms, which indicate that the product does (or includes phthalate metabolites):
• BBP: butyl benzyl phthalate 
• MBzP: mono benzyl phthalate 
• DBP: di-n-butyl phthalate
• MBP: mono-n-butyl phthalate 
• MiBP: mono-isobutyl phthalate 
• DEHP: di-(2-ethylhexyl) phthalate 
• MEHP: mono-(2-ethylhexyl) phthalate 
• DEP: diethyl phthalate 
• MEP: monoethyl phthalate 
• DiDP: di-isodecyl phthalate 
• DiNP: di-isononyll phthalate 
• DnHP: di-n- hexyl phthalate 
• DnOP: di-n-octyl phthalate

Sources

California Department of Toxic Substances Control: Work Plan Implementation: Chemicals in Hair Straightening  Products Background Document.

Iizuka T, et al. Mono-(2-ethyl-5-hydroxyhexyl) phthalate promotes uterine leiomyoma cell survival through tryptophan-kynurenine-AHR pathway activation. 2022. PNAS. doi:10.1073/pnas.2208886119. 

Northwestern Now: Uterine fibroid growth activated by chemicals found in everyday products.
Zero Breast Cancer: Phthalates The Everywhere Chemical

“I promised you all that I would be open and honest. I had times where I was unsure of that decision throughout my IVF journey and even more so after we got the news that our transfer did not work,” she wrote. “But going back on my word after being such an open book wouldn’t be right.”

At the beginning of the video, Murgatroyd looks deliriously happy as the doctors show her the embryo before the transfer. But that joy quickly turned to sorrow. “One of the happiest days of my life, and then 10 days later one of the saddest moments I’ll never forget,” she continued her message. “Standing on the side of the road in West Hollywood, hoping for the best….thinking this was MY time, my turn for happiness.’ Life is funny though. When you think you got it figured out, it slaps you in the face and makes you start over.”

This was the 36-year-old and her husband Maks Chmerkovskiy’s first try at IVF after doctors told Murgatroyd they believe she suffers from polycystic ovary syndrome—a hormonal imbalance that can cause ovulation issues and lead to infertility. At the beginning of the process, she said it was the first time she felt hopeful in two years.

“I can barely watch the part where I have to verify my name and DOB,” she admitted. “ It was so hard to rewatch it and cut this video. That part was a moment in time where I saw my baby. It felt final, it felt like this was it….that was my baby..and I got a little preview of them at the earliest stage of their life. It felt other-worldly special, I felt privileged.”

Related: Amy Schumer shares just how difficult IVF can be

“I really did think that this was going to work,” Murgatroyd added. “Looking into Maks eyes as he was crying, seeing our baby together…just made this experience so worth it even though it didn’t turn out how we had hoped.”

According to the CDC, 55% of IVF patients give live-birth deliveries after the first egg retrieval. This number can vary depending on age, but the grueling process of IVF makes an unsuccessful transfer that much more painful.

Murgatroyd is grieving, but assured fans she has “taken the necessary steps to start the healing process. To sit in my feelings, and feel what I need to, to start moving forward with an open heart.” In the video, she detailed learning to surf with her 5-year-old son Shai—an activity she said made her feel “alive again.”

Related: What *not* to say to someone going through IVF (and what to say instead)

In June, the Dancing With the Stars pro revealed she suffered her third miscarriage, which began her IVF journey. And she’s not giving up.

“I will get my baby, just not right now,” she concluded her message. “And to all the women who have gone through this multiple times over, I bow down. You’re warriors and you give me strength everyday. This s–t ain’t easy.”

The research showed that the chance of pregnancy using timed intercourse after an ovulation test was between 20% to 28% (compared to 18% in couples who had intercourse spontaneously). But lead author Tatjana Gibbons, a student at University of Oxford, said more evidence is needed to know for sure if a correlation exists between using the tests and a higher likelihood of conceiving.

The over-the-counter urine tests predict which days that a woman is most likely to release an egg. These fertility tests detect increases in your urine’s luteinizing hormone (LH) and E3G, which is high around the time you ovulate. Based on that, people know when to have intercourse.

The technology is in a slew of over-the-counter tests. Dr. Gibbons tells Motherly that the study was focused on ovulation predictor tests from Clearblue. Clearblue did not fund the study. 

Some urine tests utilize the strips in combination with data via an app, so you can track everything on your smartphone and then know when your best fertility window is. Other period tracking apps simply help you track your menstrual cycle along with other factors and guesstimate when you’re most likely to conceive. There are also wearables (and even an in-ear temperature monitor) that can gauge a variety of physiological parameters to gauge the best times to try to conceive. (Here are our faves.)

Related: Here’s how to talk to your partner about sperm testing, according to a fertility doctor

While the urine tests showed some promise in Gibbons’ research, there wasn’t as much evidence on conception outcomes for other fertility awareness-based contraceptive methods (FABM) methods such as using period tracking apps, calendars, cervical mucus analysis or body temperature devices, Dr. Gibbons noted in a statement.

Dr. Gibbons presented the information at the latest European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology meeting in early July. 

Urine-based ovulation tests: What we know

Previous research has found some benefits of using urine-based ovulation tests compared to other methods. There isn’t much out there in peer-reviewed journals as to the efficacy of other FABM methods, even though we know some markers can indicate ovulation, such as basal body temperature and hormone fluctuations. By testing your urine, ovulation predictor tests offer something a little more concrete.

A 2019 study found that evaluating your level of urine progesterone (pregnanediol-3-glucuronide, PDG), after a surge in LH predicted ovulation perfectly. Urine tests that gauge PDG are already on the market, too.

Natalist

• $20

Ovulation Tests – Pack of 10

Natalist’s midstream ovulation tests monitor your LH levels so you can identify your peak fertility.

SHOP

Mira

• $179.99

Mira Starter Kit

Mira’s starter kit comes with the Mira analyzer plus 10 Mira Fertility Plus Test Wands that test for both LH and E3G.

SHOP

Clearblue

• $28.79

Advanced Digital Ovulation Test, Predictor Kit

Clearblue’s Advanced Digital Ovulation Test measures both LH and estrogen midstream with a digital readout to make viewing your results that much easier.

SHOP

Proov

• $29.99

Proov PdG Progesterone Metabolite Test | Only FDA-Cleared Test to Confirm Ovulation Quality at Home

SHOP

Behind the results

The Cochrane analysis involved evaluating effectiveness of timed intercourse used in collaboration with ovulation detection methods. Researchers looked at digital apps linked to urine monitors, urine ovulation tests, and other FABM. 

Dr. Gibbons’ team reviewed six studies on 2,374 women who were trying to conceive.

The big find: Taking a urine test to detect your best time to ovulate—then having sex during that optimal fertility window—was tied to higher pregnancy rates compared to rates in couples who didn’t plan when they would have intercourse. (Kills the spontaneity factor, we know.)

Related: How to make a baby: The quick & dirty guide to getting pregnant

Here’s where the data gets dicey (or in scientific terms, “inconclusive”): It wasn’t clear if timed intercourse using FABM resulted in a difference in live birth or pregnancy rates, as that data was only available from two studies involving only 160 women. The evidence wasn’t exactly solid.

There was a benefit in couples who were trying to conceive for less than 12 months. But there was “insufficient evidence” that the results could be the same for couples who had been trying for more than 12 months.

Data was also insufficient in terms of finding studies that reported on factors such as how long it took to get pregnant when using the ovulation detection and timed intercourse methods, as well as data on live birth, quality of life and adverse events like stress.

Just this year, a study published about the Clearblue Connected Ovulation Test System correlated test use with live birth rate. (Full disclosure: It was funded by the test manufacturer.)

Predicting fertility

Specifically, Dr. Gibbons said she would like to learn more about any adverse effects of timed intercourse and its effectiveness in different groups, such as people with unexplained infertility. That should be in place before doctors promote the practice. She’d also like to see more research on using fertility awareness-based methods (FABM), she said in a statement.

To sum it up, ovulation predictor tests may be a good way to detect your optimal fertility window. Of course, there are no guarantees that it will lead to conception. Still, for those using the tests hoping to become pregnant, it may offer a glimmer of hope with at least a little data to back it up.

Sources

Bouchard, T., Fehring, R., Schneider, M. Pilot Evaluation of a New Urine Progesterone Test to Confirm Ovulation in Women Using a Fertility Monitor. Frontiers in Public Health. 2019. 7:184. doi:10.3389/fpubh.2019.00184    

Johnson, S., Bond, S., Grace, B., et al. Increased Chance of Live Birth Following Use of Connected Ovulation Test System: Outcome Results from a Randomized Controlled Trial. Women’s Health Reports. 2022.60-66. doi:10.1089/whr.2021.0102

​​Manders M, McLindon L, Schulze B, Beckmann MM, Kremer JA, Farquhar C. Timed intercourse for couples trying to conceive. Cochrane Database Syst Rev. 2015;(3):CD011345. Published 2015 Mar 17. doi:10.1002/14651858.CD011345.pub2

Su HW, Yi YC, Wei TY, Chang TC, Cheng CM, et al. Detection of ovulation, a review of currently available methods. Bioeng Transl Med. 2017 May 16;2(3):238-246. doi: 10.1002/btm2.10058

Yeh PT, Kennedy CE, Van der Poel S, et al. Should home-based ovulation predictor kits be offered as an additional approach for fertility management for women and couples desiring pregnancy? A systematic review and meta-analysis. BMJ Global Health 2019;4:e001403. doi:10.1136/bmjgh-2019-001403

Related Stories

Getting Pregnant

8 signs of ovulation: How to find your most fertile days

Getting Pregnant

Both women and men can benefit from acupuncture when trying to conceive

Health & Wellness

Bookmark these virtual support groups on your TTC journey

The barriers to single women and queer people won’t be addressed through a single ACA update. Industry-wide insurance practices, exorbitant costs and overburdened clinics leave many hopeful parents behind in fine print and mounting debt—regardless of Biden’s decision. 

When I began my own fertility journey at age 36—considered a “geriatric” pregnancy—I saw firsthand how overwhelming the process of starting a family is. But there are ways to make the fertility industry more equitable and accessible for everyone. 

We need updated, inclusive language 

Most insurance benefits policies offer covered fertility treatments only after proof of infertility. Most people realize that the current definition of infertility—the inability to conceive after 12 months of unprotected sex—discriminates against queer and trans couples. But this definition also impacts single women trying to conceive without a partner.

In some states, insurance companies include unsuccessful intrauterine insemination (IUI) as proof of infertility, but for both single women and LGBTQ+ parents, the out-of-pocket costs for this treatment are often prohibitive—ranging from a few hundred dollars to over $4,000 for a single cycle. Additionally, same-sex male couples are completely excluded from this care because they can’t meet the definition of infertility via sex or through IUI. 

Simply put, the definition of infertility puts an unequal burden on many families. And even if the Biden Administration decides in favor of a more expansive definition, this won’t apply to all insurance policies. It’s a step in the right direction, but we need wider-reaching policy changes for all insurance companies. 

When I founded Mira, an at-home hormone tracking device, I wanted potential parents to have the ability to take family planning into their own hands, regardless of their age, sexuality or gender. 

This starts with more accessible resources and conscientious healthcare providers, but it’s also about changing the way we think about child rearing, parenthood and the many shapes family takes. Narrow definitions of infertility and sex should not be a barrier to LGBTQ families and single women—and these communities need across-the-board language updates to guarantee their access to fertility treatment by all insurance policies.

Related: It’s time to stop calling infertility a women’s health issue

We need legal protections for fertility preservation

Insurance coverage gets even more complicated when a person becomes infertile due to medical treatment or procedures. In this case, some may opt to preserve their eggs or sperm via cryopreservation. If you’re in this position, you know it’s a deeply difficult, and expensive, choice. 

Only a handful of states require private insurers to cover fertility preservation in cases of medically-induced infertility. But it’s unclear if this benefit extends to trans people, whose gender affirmation surgery or treatments can result in infertility. 

Even insured, the costs of cryopreservation are shocking. Egg preservation can cost an average of $30,000 to $40,000 on treatment and storage, while sperm preservation is about $1,000 with $300 yearly storage fees. 

To solve this, there must be federal, legal protection for trans, queer, and single parents seeking to access fertility preservation. We need protections to not only guarantee legal access to insurance coverage and medical care, but also financial access for all. Some banks, like California Cryobank, offer deeply discounted rates to trans and non-binary clients—which should be standard practice until legal protections are in place.

Related: Legal basics for forming LGBTQ+ families

We need remote access for respectful care

With millions of families seeking care, and less than 500 fertility clinics across the US, there are simply not enough specialists, let alone accessible specialists, to meet the demand for treatment. 

I’ve spoken to dozens of people who’ve turned to Mira because their options for local care were so limited. For those who did go to a healthcare provider, they faced offensive comments, invasive questions, heteronormative paperwork, and in the case of single women, repeated questioning about where their husbands or partners were. This is unacceptable, especially in a field where every passing month and year trying to find accessible, respectful care means more time lost.

Virtual and at-home options can help close this gap, especially for those in rural areas. Digital fertility trackers help LGBTQ+ and single people access health information at home, minimize clinic visits and improve their chances for successful fertility treatments by providing actionable data and insights about one’s cycle. 

It’s up to all of us—healthcare providers, clinics and business leaders—to make sure all families are represented and cared for in this emerging technology.

Related Stories

Infertility

It’s time to stop calling infertility a women’s health issue

Marriage & Partnerships

Legal basics for forming LGBTQ families

Getting Pregnant

8 things to know about egg freezing, from a fertility specialist

The reality star and her husband, Romain, were married during the second season of the hit Netflix reality show. While the couple—she’s 41, he’s 30—are not quite ready to expand their family just yet, Fitzgerald has been open about her family plans and egg-freezing experience.

While she’s already a mom to a 23-year-old son, she’s been doing fertility treatments in order to fertilize her eggs so that when she and Romain decide to have a baby, they have the best possible chance of a successful pregnancy.

Related: Christine from ‘Selling Sunset’ says she and her baby almost died during birth

“An update on my embryo freezing journey,” she captioned the heartbreaking video she shared on Instagram. “This was definitely not the news we were hoping to get and while it is super disappointing, we are just keeping our heads up.”

In the video, Fitzgerald explains that none of the eggs they harvested and fertilized were considered good enough quality to implant, which means she and Romain are back at square one again.

She tells her fans that if they’re considering freezing their eggs, they should do it ASAP.

“PLEASE consider doing this at the youngest age possible if you know/think you want to have children!” she urges. “Sharing my experience in hopes of helping anyone who is interested in doing this process.”

What is egg freezing?

Choosing to preserve your fertility by freezing your eggs is essentially the same thing as stopping your biological clock. More and more women are deciding to freeze their eggs because they may not be ready to start their family yet, but want the best chance at having children in the future—regardless of age.

Egg freezing can also be an option to help preserve the fertility of patients undergoing treatment for cancer or those who are planning on transitioning. It’s an option every woman should consider by the age of 35 if they want children but simply aren’t ready yet.

Dr. Mark P. Leondires tells Motherly the best time to freeze your eggs is when you’re young. While it is possible for women over 35 to successfully freeze their eggs, completing an egg retrieval before age 35 is optimal, because of the decline in fertility that begins around that time. 

Egg freezing occurs after the patient has been taking fertility medications to boost the number of developing eggs (ovarian stimulation). After your doctor determines that the patient has the optimal amount of mature eggs, a “trigger shot” is administered to prepare those eggs to receive sperm. An egg retrieval—a 20 to 30-minute process—is performed about 36 hours later, before ovulation.

Related: 8 things to know about egg freezing, from a fertility specialist

As for Mary Fitzgerald and her husband, they plan on doing the whole process again.

“But it is a learning curve and a reminder that even if you look young and feel young, your eggs are still the age you are,” she says. “And so if you have been focusing on your career or just haven’t met the one yet, you really should consider freezing your eggs when you are young.”

Related Stories

Celebrity News

Meghan Trainor announces she’s pregnant with baby #2!

What To Watch

Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni to star in Colleen Hoover’s ‘It Ends With Us’ movie adaptation

Celebrity News

Mandy Moore shows exactly how hard it can be juggling two under two on Instagram

Celebrity News

Everyone’s applauding Chrissy Teigen for showing her leaky postpartum boobs

Celebrity News

Paris Hilton welcomes her first baby!

Celebrity News

Kelly Ripa puts Mark Consuelos on blast for his childbirth commentary

Celebrity News

Riley Keough reveals she has a daughter during heartbreaking tribute to mom Lisa Marie

Celebrity News

Kylie Jenner finally revealed her son’s unique name AND how to pronounce it

Celebrity News

Ireland Baldwin says ‘pregnancy is hard’—especially when dealing with ‘idiots as family’

Celebrity News

Priyanka Chopra says daughter Malti was ‘smaller than my hand’ when she was born

Celebrity News

Christina Applegate claps back at cruel troll who commented on her appearance

Celebrity News

Channing Tatum admits his divorce from Jenna Dewan was ‘scary and terrifying’

Celebrity News

Jinger Duggar speaks publicly about her ‘cult-like’ upbringing for the first time

Celebrity News

The internet can’t stop talking about this new photo of Carrie and Aidan

Celebrity News

Jessie J shares video of what the first trimester of pregnancy REALLY looks like

Celebrity News

Chrissy Teigen shares first photo of her new baby girl—and her name is BEAUTIFUL

Celebrity News

Naomi Osaka announces first pregnancy in a sweet way

Celebrity News

Rupert Grint is basically Dad of the Year for building his toddler her own Target store

Viral & Trending

JoJo Siwa reacts to childhood clips from ‘Dance Moms’ and it’s heartbreaking

Celebrity News

Blake Lively makes the most out of her maternity wardrobe malfunction on Instagram

Celebrity News

Shemar Moore and his girlfriend Jesiree Dizon welcome a baby girl!

Celebrity News

Drew Barrymore gets real about not having motherhood ‘figured out’ and moms feel seen

Celebrity News

Kim Kardashian faces criticism for ‘uncomfy’ TikTok she shared with North West

Celebrity News

Katherine Heigl is teaching her daughters not to be people-pleasers, and it’s everything

Celebrity News

Kelly Osbourne welcomes her first child!

News

Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library is expanding in the most beautiful way for California kids

Celebrity News

Demi Moore says she’s entering her ‘unhinged grandma era’ and we love that for her

Viral & Trending

Ashley Graham claps back at trolls who accused her of taking ‘fat positivity’ too far

Celebrity News

Rebel Wilson says she felt ‘disconnected’ while using a surrogate to carry her child

Celebrity News

Alyssa Milano celebrates turning 50 with a ‘no filter’ photo

Celebrity News

Rihanna shares first image of her son on TikTok—and WOW is he cute!

Celebrity News

Prince Harry says Meghan Markle’s miscarriage was a result of stress from U.K. media

Their son, Parker James Scott, was born on the couple’s fourth wedding anniversary. Scott and Phan first shared the exciting news they were expecting last December—the couple had previously opened up about the two years they spent struggling with infertility. Their journey to becoming parents included IUI and IVF treatments.

Related: All the celebrity pregnancies of 2021

“Our lives are forever changed,” they wrote on Instagram Wednesday evening. “Welcome to the world Parker James.”

Back in December, Drew Scott shared that the road to pregnancy had been an “adventure.”

“We know we’re not alone in this experience and that everyone’s is filled with unique challenges along the way,” he wrote at the time. “When we first started down this path, we quickly felt sooooo appreciative of the doctors we’ve been fortunate to work with, and fam and friends who supported us throughout, sharing their stories or simply just being there.”

“Our new baby boy, he’s a healthy baby, he’s adorable,” Drew says on the podcast. He asks Linda how she’s feeling a few weeks after their son’s arrival. 

Related: It’s time to stop calling infertility a women’s health issue

“Other than pooped, I feel great,” she says. “Very happy that he’s finally here. I’m still in awe and in disbelief. I feel like every step of this pregnancy has taken me time to adjust. And then as soon as I almost adjust, it’s onto the next milestone or the next thing. I feel like I’m always playing catchup with my feelings.”

Congratulations to the new parents and the happy family of three!

Related Stories

Celebrity News

Meghan Trainor announces she’s pregnant with baby #2!

What To Watch

Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni to star in Colleen Hoover’s ‘It Ends With Us’ movie adaptation

Celebrity News

Mandy Moore shows exactly how hard it can be juggling two under two on Instagram

Celebrity News

Everyone’s applauding Chrissy Teigen for showing her leaky postpartum boobs

Celebrity News

Paris Hilton welcomes her first baby!

Celebrity News

Kelly Ripa puts Mark Consuelos on blast for his childbirth commentary

Celebrity News

Riley Keough reveals she has a daughter during heartbreaking tribute to mom Lisa Marie

Celebrity News

Kylie Jenner finally revealed her son’s unique name AND how to pronounce it

Celebrity News

Ireland Baldwin says ‘pregnancy is hard’—especially when dealing with ‘idiots as family’

Celebrity News

Priyanka Chopra says daughter Malti was ‘smaller than my hand’ when she was born

Celebrity News

Christina Applegate claps back at cruel troll who commented on her appearance

Celebrity News

Channing Tatum admits his divorce from Jenna Dewan was ‘scary and terrifying’

Celebrity News

Jinger Duggar speaks publicly about her ‘cult-like’ upbringing for the first time

Celebrity News

The internet can’t stop talking about this new photo of Carrie and Aidan

Celebrity News

Jessie J shares video of what the first trimester of pregnancy REALLY looks like

Celebrity News

Chrissy Teigen shares first photo of her new baby girl—and her name is BEAUTIFUL

Celebrity News

Naomi Osaka announces first pregnancy in a sweet way

Celebrity News

Rupert Grint is basically Dad of the Year for building his toddler her own Target store

Viral & Trending

JoJo Siwa reacts to childhood clips from ‘Dance Moms’ and it’s heartbreaking

Celebrity News

Blake Lively makes the most out of her maternity wardrobe malfunction on Instagram

Celebrity News

Shemar Moore and his girlfriend Jesiree Dizon welcome a baby girl!

Celebrity News

Drew Barrymore gets real about not having motherhood ‘figured out’ and moms feel seen

Celebrity News

Kim Kardashian faces criticism for ‘uncomfy’ TikTok she shared with North West

Celebrity News

Katherine Heigl is teaching her daughters not to be people-pleasers, and it’s everything

Celebrity News

Kelly Osbourne welcomes her first child!

News

Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library is expanding in the most beautiful way for California kids

Celebrity News

Demi Moore says she’s entering her ‘unhinged grandma era’ and we love that for her

Viral & Trending

Ashley Graham claps back at trolls who accused her of taking ‘fat positivity’ too far

Celebrity News

Rebel Wilson says she felt ‘disconnected’ while using a surrogate to carry her child

Celebrity News

Alyssa Milano celebrates turning 50 with a ‘no filter’ photo

Celebrity News

Rihanna shares first image of her son on TikTok—and WOW is he cute!

Celebrity News

Prince Harry says Meghan Markle’s miscarriage was a result of stress from U.K. media

It’s the realization that the age gap I’d always envisioned between my first and a potential second has gone by. It’s constantly doing math in my head thinking, “If we get pregnant this month, the baby would be born in _______, and that would make them _____ years apart.” It’s watching my firstborn grow older and older without a sibling to play with, to teach, to lean on.

It’s the irrational anger at the baby section in Target. The knowledge that I can’t walk too close to the newborn clothes without wanting to tear them all off the racks. It’s the drop in my stomach when I see a tiny onesie not much bigger than the size of my hand—the uncertainty if I’ll ever have a baby small enough to wear one that size again. Similarly, it’s the resentment I feel towards women who are expecting or have a baby on their hip. They didn’t do this to me. Why do I feel such annoyance at their mere existence? 

It’s the two excruciating weeks between ovulation and when my period is due.

It’s the hundreds of times each day I wonder what it is that’s keeping me from getting pregnant. Why was it so easy the first time and now it’s all but impossible—or maybe actually impossible? It’s the feeling that if I just knew the reason I was having so much trouble, maybe I’d rest a little easier. It’s the frustration at my body for not doing what it is supposed to do—what it’s already done once before and gave me no indication that it may not be able to do again.

It’s the people asking, “So are you going to have another one?” It’s the internal battle of whether I should say something benign like, “We’re thinking about it,” or if I should let loose with a “We’ve been trying for two years and have had our hearts broken 24 months in a row.” Do I put their comfort and ease ahead of my own?

Related: How to reduce stress while trying to conceive

It’s feeling like I need to have at least one cocktail when we’re out with friends and family so they don’t jump to the conclusion that I’m pregnant if I’m just drinking water.

It’s the two excruciating weeks between ovulation and when my period is due. Every instance of heartburn, every random yawn, every hint of possible nausea is a cruel head game. It’s the way I hold my breath every time I use the bathroom, internally praying (or maybe even praying out loud) for no blood. It’s the tears that force their way out when I see the blood has come anyway.

It’s the doctor appointments that don’t tell me anything. It’s the diagnostic tests that are invasive, uncomfortable (and not covered by my insurance) that also don’t tell me anything. It’s the fertility drugs that were supposed to work like magic, but only lead to more disappointment (and an unwelcome additional ten pounds). It’s the “What do we do now?” question that nobody seems to be able to answer.

It’s the fear that even if I do get pregnant, those next 40 weeks would hold so much uncertainty and anxiety. So much worry and so much caution. 

It’s all of it.

It’s the hope (exhausting, though it may be) that I feel at the beginning of ovulation each month.

But there are bright spots in there, as well. Bright bits that flood the darkness of unexplained secondary infertility in light.

Related: To my friends going through IVF, I am sorry I didn’t understand

It’s the baby smiling at me in line at the grocery store that makes me grin despite myself. It’s the hug my husband envelopes me in when I walk out of the bathroom shaking my head, and the knowledge that he’s in this right there with me. It’s the solidarity with the millions of other women and men out there who are fighting for the same thing I am/we are. It’s the hope (exhausting, though it may be) that I feel at the beginning of ovulation each month.

And it’s the knowledge that if (maybe even when) I do finally lay my eyes on that beautiful baby in the delivery room, all of this “all of it” will have been worth it. Every last bit of it.

Related Stories

Infertility

Infertility can be a lonely journey—but you’re not alone

Pregnancy

Infertility is a silent struggle—and more common than you think

Getting Pregnant

Infertility from a Dad’s Point of View

The first time I got pregnant was with a son we lost to a miscarriage after hearing his heartbeat. The second time was with my daughter. Both times were without medical intervention. But if you ask any doctor, they would say I’m infertile. 

Infertility is often seen as a woman’s problem

The “I” above is something we must pay attention to. While I am part of a couple of two humans, I was the one diagnosed. The way this diagnosis is delivered kicks into gear a cycle of self-blame and leads to an imbalance in how we think about these issues, how we treat them, and the time it takes for treatment. 

Infertility diagnoses are almost always delivered to the female partner. 

While infertility affects men and women at nearly equal rates, it is often seen as a women’s health issue. Even the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), while acknowledging that infertility is not just a woman’s problem, solely defines infertility based on its prevalence in women. 

We see this play out in the interfaces of apps—the many fertility trackers that only track women’s cycles, leading to an obsession over fertile days and a tendency to search for a problem. We also see it play out in our overall health system, with fertility clinics whose staff only treat the woman’s part of the equation. 

Related: 8 things I want you to know about infertility

And while most women meet regularly with OB/GYNs at a young age, urology check-ups are foreign to men. Even employers who offer fertility coverage focus mostly on egg freezing benefits without a mere mention of (let alone coverage for) sperm testing or preservation. 

For women, fertility is existential. 

For men, fertility is an afterthought.

The uncertainty can be crippling

Even more astounding, there’s an entire medical diagnosis that heightens the uncertainty and stigma around infertility. It’s called “unexplained infertility,” which truly means, “we have no clue why you can’t get pregnant.” 

This diagnosis accounts for one-third of cases. I was one of those cases. 

And while our medical infrastructure does offer some solutions for this diagnosis—such as intrauterine insemination (IUI), in vitro fertilization (IVF), and everything in between—the lack of answers only adds to the mental load and anguish that “infertility” brings to bear. 

And upon receipt of these diagnoses, we go down the “what if” rabbit hole, testing out new health plans and regimens, blurring the line between obsession and focus on the bigger, noble cause: bringing a baby into this world. 

I started tracking my cycle daily. Testing out new ovulation predictor kits and monitors. The fancy ones, the low-budget ones, and everything in between (the cheapest ones work best IMO!). And I panicked when I didn’t see a luteinizing hormone (LH) surge. Did I miss it? Or did I not ovulate?

I tried measuring my basal body temperature daily to confirm that I was ovulating, despite the fact that this is a post facto measurement. It requires you to be as still as possible when you wake each morning—if you move too fast, you’re likely to get an inaccurate read. What a delightful way to wake up every morning—stressed that you’ve already ruined your chance at making a baby. 

I ate more spinach and broccoli, drank more bone broth, drank less alcohol, stopped drinking alcohol. Did away with the one cup of morning coffee I couldn’t start the day without. Cut out dairy which nearly starved me. I eliminated cold drinks and cold foods, replacing them only with room-temp or hot. I became fearful of exercise, noting the confusing recommendations on this, and thus lost the benefits of those endorphin rushes for my own mental state. 

Related: When you’re struggling with infertility, sometimes you just need to break down

I tried an herbal tincture that tortured my stomach and ruined a vacation to San Sebastian the night of my engagement. I got poked and prodded regularly with blood tests and ultrasounds. I started seeing a doctor who sent me to local labs three times per month for blood tests to confirm I was ovulating, and each time to confirm that I, to my dismay, wasn’t pregnant. 

I tried timed intercourse with medicines that made me feel so unlike myself, and required having sex on-demand, resulting in senseless arguments when we didn’t time things right. My relationship with my partner suffered. He tried his absolute best to be there for me, but even he didn’t realize how deeply I was impacted by this journey, and how strong I was trying to be.

I wavered each month between this state of cautious optimism that I was finally pregnant and deep fear of the pool of blood that was my period. Desperate for signs to confirm a pregnancy, I googled, and googled, and googled some more—seeking answers to support my suspicions.

And after I did all the things, I waited two weeks every month to find out I wasn’t pregnant, and was jerked back to square one—with no feedback as to what went wrong. 

It was exhausting. And at times, devastating. 

It’s no wonder depression rates of those experiencing fertility challenges can equal that of people with cancer. 

I saw countless doctors, but received mostly shrugs and incomplete suggestions to spend tens of thousands of dollars on treatments like IVF, without a rationale as to why. You see, while doctors were ready to treat me with the $20,000, 20%-chance band aid that is IVF, I was desperate for an answer. I panicked at how this price tag would impact us, while also acknowledging our privilege for even being able to consider these doctor visits and treatments. 75% of patients have zero insurance coverage for fertility treatments. It’s inaccessible at best—and many are forced to travel to foreign countries to do IVF for cheaper.

Turns out, my “unexplained infertility” diagnosis resulted in a missed diagnosis for my partner. We found out several years later that my partner has a varicocele, an enlargement of the veins within the loose bag of skin that holds the testicles, which can impact sperm quality. It seems the “catch-all” of unexplained infertility can lead to missed diagnoses on both sides. For us, this meant that it took us three years to have our daughter. We had a miscarriage after trying for 1.5 years. It’s been another 1.5 years of trying again now, with no success. 

Time for solutions

It’s time to do away with the patriarchal language of old, and treat families trying to have children in a more holistic, balanced manner when it comes to fertility challenges.

It’s time to stop calling “infertility” a “woman’s health” issue, time to pour more funding into research, so we get answers.

It’s time to replace scare tactics with support. It’s amazing what we can do when we replace stigma and shame with clarity, community and results. 

It’s time to move fertility coverage from 25% of patients to 100%. It’s time to allow those who cannot be diagnosed as infertile, like LGBTQ+ patients and those with cancer, to take advantage of the coverage afforded to their colleagues and friends. With the average IVF cycle costing upwards of $20,000—and $60,000 for success (but success is by no means guaranteed)—it’s inaccessible for most.

With hundreds of entrepreneurs building in this space, I’m optimistic about the future. Some are unbundling the clinic by allowing diagnostics and semen analyses to be done from the comfort of your home. Others are making IVF more affordable, accessible and successful. There are some incredible companies increasing fertility coverage at larger organizations. And there are companies like my own, Conceive, which is focused on changing outcomes and allowing patients to meaningfully shake shame and stigma through community, care navigation, education and peer support.

I’m also inspired by clinics in other countries that look to standardize and regulate things like consistent embryo grading across clinics, so success rates are better assessed. Here’s one example in the U.K. 

I wish someone had said this to me at the start of my journey, so I’ll leave you with this: It’s not you, it’s not the wine you drink, it’s not because you eat carbs. It’s the patriarchal society we’ve built, it’s the medical system that doesn’t fund women’s health research.

You are not less than. You are one of many. 1 in 5 are suffering—it’s time for our society to start providing solutions and support.

Lauren Berson is an executive turned entrepreneur with 18+ years of experience building brands, products, and communities across a diverse set of industries. Lauren is the founder and CEO of Conceive, a digital health platform aiming to change fertility outcomes and experiences through community, evidence-based education, and coaching. Her focus on this problem and intention behind the company is deeply personal. She welcomed her daughter into the world after three challenging years filled with heartbreak, misinformation, and failed treatment. Conceive is the solution she wished she had. Prior to Conceive, Lauren was VP, Global Head of Strategy and M&A at WW (formerly Weight Watchers), a Senior Partner at Andreessen Horowitz (a16z), and Strategic Product Partnerships lead at Google. Lauren is an active angel investor and advisor. She also serves as a board member for the JCCA, a child welfare agency in NYC.

Related Stories

Infertility

When everyone but you is getting pregnant

Life

What to say when a friend is dealing with infertility

Viral & Trending

Viral tweets highlight the heartbreak of infertility for partners, too