There’s something poignant about reading a passage and thinking, Yes, that’s exactly it; that’s what I was struggling to understand. I see myself and my heart reflected in these words. 

Miscarriage quotes can also introduce you to new perspectives that may be helpful for processing your grief. 

Perhaps most importantly, miscarriage quotes can simply remind you that you are not alone; and that even when it feels like it, even when you are in your darkest moments, there is a community out there that understands you, supports you and holds space for all the nuance of your grief. 

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The power of miscarriage quotes

There’s a healing, therapeutic principle of mental health treatment that feels especially powerful when applied to the motherhood journey: Two conflicting things can be true at the very same time. For example, it’s possible to feel very alone even when you’re not.

Up to 1 in 4 pregnancies will result in loss, often in the first trimester of pregnancy. And yet miscarriage at any stage can feel shocking, confusing and isolating. But if you are among the 1 in 4, know that you are not alone—and consider looking to miscarriage quotes for help in processing your pregnancy loss.

As the founder of Motherspeak, a platform that curates poetry and prose about the vast and varied experiences of motherhood, and a co-founder of Two Truths, a newsletter that explores the dualities of motherhood, I dedicate much of my time to seeking out, and sharing, the type of words and wisdom that will help mothers feel seen and understood.

As you scroll through the miscarriage quotes below, take note of what speaks to you or brings you comfort. Save them somewhere safe and return to those words when you need a reminder or a sense of solidarity.

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Miscarriage quotes about the grieving process

“Sometimes when we try to make sense of why bad things happen to good people, we find ourselves searching for meaning where there is none, getting caught in a manufactured duality. We can hold both. There is room and necessity for nuance, complexity, and gradation.

We can be hurt and healing simultaneously. We can be grateful for what we have and angry about what we don’t at the exact same time. We can dive deep into the pit of our pain and not forget the beauty our life maintains. We can hold both.

We can grieve and laugh at precisely the same moment. We can make love and mourn in the same week. Be crestfallen and hopeful. We can hold both. And so it goes.”
—Jessica Zucker of @ihadamiscarriage in I Had a Miscarriage: A Memoir, a Movement

“Grief, in other experiences, is often about grieving the past. Miscarriage is about grieving the future.”
— Dvora Entin in “How To Grieve a Miscarriage”

“Pregnancy loss is often grieving the loss of your baby at the same time as grieving the loss of trust in your body.”
—Arden Cartrette of @themiscarriagedoula

“A pregnancy loss is a death we experience in our own bodies: There is no death we experience more intimately than one that literally passes through us.”
—Elizabeth Bechard in “Why Rituals Matter After Pregnancy Loss”

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Miscarriage quotes about personal losses

“On the morning of the last day [of a trip to the lake], I sat on the steps of the farmhouse holding a coffee and looking at the trees moving in the wind. My bleeding was ending. When I last checked, it was light and pink. The baby was gone. Its exact parting was unmarked and quiet, but I hoped that at that moment, it was halfway to the bottom of the lake [where I had been swimming], resting for a day or two on a plant, soaking in the summer light that turned green and sparkly when it hit the water.”
—Rachel Deutsch in “Losing Something So Small”

“[Doctors] always ask about how many pregnancies you have, including miscarriages. It can be startling, to repeat the number — that I’m on my third pregnancy, but my second baby. There will always be that hovering ghost. That will always be a part of my weather, and our family’s. And that’s okay. At the risk of sounding entirely sentimental, that layer of sadness puts everything else into such stark relief.

When I’m walking down the street with my son, and he’s laughing and telling me a story about how he’s a truck, no, actually, a dinosaur, no, actually, a little boy named Jack from one of his favorite books, no, actually, he’s River, it’s that baseline of sadness that tells me just how high my heart can, and will, soar.”
—Emma Straub in “‘I Had a Miscarriage’: Three Women Share Their Stories”

“Having put myself back together after our first miscarriage, I was terrified of falling because after the fall, there’s the crash — and after the crash, there are a million little pieces to be put back together. I had only just put myself back together and I didn’t have the strength to fall… But fall I would. And into a million little pieces, I would break. And in the darkness, I would find my greatest strength.”
—Elisa Henry Morton in “Our Fertility Journey”

“Every time I told anyone, it felt freeing. And not one person gave me a long hug. People were really cool about it actually. Some offered to do chores for me, some sent me Indian take-out, some provided me with facts (“one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage!”) and many shared their own experiences having miscarriages. This thing that felt like a loss was making me feel more whole. It was connecting me to people.”
—Shaina Feinberg in “I Had a Miscarriage”

Celebrity miscarriage quotes and lyrics

“I felt lost and alone and I felt like I failed because I didn’t know how common miscarriages were because we don’t talk about it. We sit in our own pain, thinking that somehow we’re broken… I think it’s the worst thing we do to each other as women — not share the truth about our bodies and how they work, and how they don’t work.”
—Michelle Obama on Good Morning America

“I guess love wasn’t enough for us to survive. I swear, I swear, I swear I tried. You took the life right out of me. I’m so unlucky. I can’t breathe. You took the life right out of me. I’m longing for your heartbeat, heartbeat.”
—Beyoncé Knowles in “Heartbeat” (Editor’s note: Beyoncé confirmed these lyrics were written about her pregnancy loss)

“Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
You were bigger than the whole sky
You were more than just a short time
And I’ve got a lot to pine about
I’ve got a lot to live without
I’m never gonna meet
What could’ve been, would’ve been
What should’ve been you
What could’ve been, would’ve been you”
—Taylor Swift in “Bigger Than The Whole Sky” (Editor’s note: While Taylor Swift has not confirmed the meaning or story behind this song, it was widely interpreted to be about miscarriage and embraced by the pregnancy loss community.)

“We, as females, don’t have a forum to discuss the profundity of this loss. I lost nine children by miscarriage. It is no small thing, physically nor emotionally, yet we are made to feel it is something to bear alone and secretly with some kind of sense of failure. Instead of receiving the much needed compassion and empathy and healing which we so need.”
—Sharon Stone in a comment to People

“[My husband, Jon] hated [taking photos in the hospital during the pregnancy loss]. I could tell. It didn’t make sense to him at the time. But I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after [our children] Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story.”
—Chrissy Teigen in an essay for Medium

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Poems about miscarriage

“We see the one in her stroller
We see the one in her arms
But the one in her heart is
invisible
Unseen by the world
but as real and loved as a child can be”
—Bunmi Laditan in Dear Mother: Poems On the Hot Mess of Motherhood

“The light
in my
body
broke

and the
darkness
changed
me

into
someone
that
could
heal it.”
—Jessica Lakritz in collaboration with Jessica Zucker

“I was pregnant. 
I am a mother. 
I didn’t carry my baby very long. 
I am a mother. 
I love a baby that didn’t make it here to be held. 
I am a mother. 
I grieve for my baby that I didn’t carry to term. 
I am a mother
I am a mother.
I am a mother.”
—Unknown, adapted from Mommies With Angel Babies

A note from Motherly on pregnancy loss resources

If you find yourself in need of additional help and community, Postpartum Support International offers individualized support groups for various stages of loss (including early pregnancy loss, stillbirth and infant loss, Black moms in loss, and more). If you are in crisis, please reach out to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling 998 immediately.

There so many things not to say to someone who has experienced a miscarriage, but here is one thing we will say: we are so sorry you are going through this. We hope you’re receiving the support and care you need.

Why a miscarriage tattoo? 

Miscarriage can be a painful word to read or hear for those who’ve lost a pregnancy. There are many ways people process their emotions and, for some, a miscarriage tattoo may be part of the healing journey. Here are three common reasons people get miscarriage tattoos:

Creating space for grief

A miscarriage tattoo can give form to a pain that can be frustratingly intangible, yet heavy to carry. To give it shape can be freeing, as the grief has a physical place to exist.

Bringing back a sense of control

Pregnancy loss is something that leaves many feeling helpless. The process of designing a miscarriage tattoo, choosing an artist, deciding where exactly to place it, and then sitting through the sometimes painful process of its application can return a sense of control.

Acknowledging the life that was lost

A miscarriage tattoo is a way to express that your baby was real. That you carried her. That she matters. Depending on the location of the tattoo, it might also be a conversation starter, giving you the opportunity to talk about your experience.

15 meaningful miscarriage tattoo ideas

Looking for inspiration for your own miscarriage tattoo? Maybe one of the ideas below will appeal to you. Or maybe just scrolling through them will get you into the headspace to design a tribute to the baby or babies you’re holding in your heart.

Date miscarriage tattoos

Date tattoos often include the day someone found out they were pregnant, the date of their loss or their baby’s would-be due date.

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Quote miscarriage tattoos

People often choose a quote that resonates with them, embodies their grief or, depending on their beliefs, represents hope for meeting their baby in an afterlife. 

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Animal miscarriage tattoos

Many miscarriage tattoos incorporate birds, butterflies, elephants or other wildlife.

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Flower miscarriage tattoos

Flowers are a lovely way to represent a life that felt delicate and beautiful. Birth month flowers or other symbolic blooms are popular picks.

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Mother and baby miscarriage tattoos

The moment so many anticipate and then grieve after pregnancy loss is the opportunity to hold their baby in their arms, which makes mama and baby imagery especially powerful.  

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Other symbolic miscarriage tattoos

Lots of miscarriage tattoos incorporate a few ideas above or focus on a single powerful symbol, like angel wings, baby footprints, rainbows or an infinity sign to show a mother’s endless love.

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A note from Motherly: Miscarriage tattoos

To all of those struggling with the grief of miscarriage, please know we’re holding space for you. We hope that these miscarriage tattoo ideas can serve as a small start to your healing journey, however that process might look. 

The couple’s lawyer, Jenny Afia, spoke on-camera about the stress Meghan was under and the “toll it was taking” when she pursued legal action against Associated Newspapers back in 2020. The publisher of the “Mail on Sunday” and the MailOnline printed sections of a private letter she sent to her estranged father, Thomas Markle, in the aftermath of her May 2018 wedding to Prince Harry.

Afia says Meghan was unable to sleep during the early weeks of her second pregnancy due to the pressure she felt once she and Prince Harry moved into their new home in Montecito, California.

“The first morning that we woke up in our new home is when I miscarried,” said Meghan.

“I believe my wife suffered a miscarriage because of what the Mail did,” Harry said. “I watched the whole thing. Now do we absolutely know that the miscarriage was caused by that? Of course, we don’t.”

While there is no scientific research to prove a causal link between psychological stress and miscarriage—meaning the link is only correlational and most statistics surrounding miscarriage focus on chromosomal abnormalities—reducing stress during pregnancy is crucial.

Related: How to reduce miscarriage anxiety during pregnancy, according to experts

No major studies have shown a direct link between stress causing miscarriage, some research shows an indirect link, which could suggest that stress may be a potential risk factor for pregnancy loss. Stress alone, based on existing research is unlikely to directly cause a miscarriage.

“The diverse views held by women and healthcare professionals demonstrate the need for evidence in this vital area of human wellbeing,” says a study cited in the National Library of Medicine. “Awareness of the effects of psychosocial stress could lead to improved strategies for screening psychological support and changes in employment practices.”

That being said, it’s valid and understandable to have trauma surrounding the stress they both endured leading up to her pregnancy loss.

Related: Mom calls out the ‘cruel standards’ pregnant women face at work in viral LinkedIn post

“[But] bearing in mind the stress that caused the lack of sleep and the timing of the pregnancy, how many weeks in she was, I can say from what I saw, that miscarriage was created by what they were trying to do to her,” Harry said. “I thought she was brave and courageous, but that doesn’t surprise me because she is brave and courageous.”

Months after her miscarriage amid the ongoing legal battle, Meghan received a full public apology from the Mail on Sunday in December 2021 after London’s High Court’s final decision favored the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.

The cohort study, published in PLOS Medicine, looked at data on just over 49,000 births after miscarriage and nearly 24,000 after induced abortion in Norway between 2008 and 2016. (The study was conducted by a research team in Australia, though.)

Researchers say conceiving within 3 months after either type of pregnancy loss wasn’t linked to having adverse outcomes in future pregnancies.  

Related: Trying to conceive after miscarriage isn’t easy—but here’s how to prepare yourself again

Getting pregnant within 3 months isn’t linked to adverse outcomes

The current WHO guidelines are based on somewhat scarce evidence, the study authors say. They attempted to investigate the risk of a shorter pregnancy interval on birth outcomes, and found there were lower risks for being small at gestational age in babies conceived in less than 6 months compared to those who were conceived 6 to 11 months after miscarriage. There was a lower risk of gestational diabetes in women who conceived within 3 months of a miscarriage. 

The results were similar for those who had abortions. There was a slight increased risk for the baby being smaller for gestational age in those who got pregnant within 3 months of the procedure, while the risk of being large for gestational age was lower in the group that waited between 3 and 5 months. 

There were no signs of being at high risk for adverse pregnancy outcomes in women who waited more than 12 months after both types of pregnancy loss (though there was a slight increased risk that the pregnant person would have gestational diabetes).  

Related: How to care for yourself after an abortion

Time for new guidelines?

So, will the WHO give their guidelines another look? The researchers are hoping so. 

“Based on this study and others, we called for a review of the existing World Health Organization recommendations for pregnancy spacing following pregnancy loss,” they said in a statement. 

Mary Jane Minkin, MD, a gynecologist and clinical professor at Yale University School of Medicine, tells Healthline that the WHO guidance is based on old data that wasn’t overwhelming in terms of proving that the 6-month wait was needed.

She says she usually advises women to wait after a pregnancy loss to try to get pregnant, but that’s so the body can heal and menstrual cycles resume.

Related: What is a rainbow baby? What to know about being pregnant after a pregnancy loss

Previous research says waiting 6 months isn’t necessary

This isn’t the only research that nixes the 6-month mark.

A 2016 study by the National Institutes of Health said couples that conceived within 3 months of pregnancy loss had the same chances if not greater to have a live birth. The same conclusion held true in a 2012 study–so the notion of not waiting 6 months isn’t anything new.

There’s another reason why women may not want to follow the 6-month waiting period guidance: Time.

That is, if you’re trying to become pregnant, you may be up against the clock. Six months can be a long window when timing is everything. So at least now you know that you may not need to wait as long as you thought to try again. As always, definitely consult with your doctor to determine what’s right for your unique situation..

Sources

National Institutes of Health. Trying to conceive after a pregnancy loss.

DaVanzo J., et al. How long after a miscarriage should women wait before becoming pregnant again? Multivariate analysis of cohort data from Matlab, Bangladesh. BMJ Open, 2012. doi:10.1136/bmjopen-2012-001591.

Schliep, K, et al. Trying to Conceive After an Early Pregnancy Loss: An Assessment on How Long Couples Should Wait. Obstetrics & Gynecology, 2016. doi:10.1097/AOG.0000000000001159. 

Tessema, G., et al. Interpregnancy interval and adverse pregnancy outcomes among pregnancies following miscarriages or induced abortions in Norway (2008–2016): A cohort study. PLOS Medicine, 2022. doi:10.1371/journal.pmed.1004129

This post was written by Megan Glosson and originally appeared on The Mighty.

January 26, 2017. A day that will live in my memories forever because it’s the day I lost what would have been my third child. I woke up that morning and knew something was wrong, but it took several days of blood work and ultrasounds to confirm what I already knew in my heart — I had a miscarriage.

Although I knew losing a baby would be emotional, I don’t think I realized just how many triggers I would encounter in the months that followed my pregnancy loss.

At first, the biggest trigger for me was simply talking about the miscarriage. The words of comfort, terms like “natural abortion,” and questions about whether my then-husband and I would “try again” were overwhelming to say the least. It got to the point where I avoided coworkers in the hallway and refused to talk to family members about pregnancy or future plans.

In the months that followed, all of the baby items we saved from our second child’s birth became another strong trigger. Every time I opened the closet where we stored our child’s clothes and toys, heavy emotions consumed me. I felt angry, heartbroken, and confused. My brain just couldn’t make sense of the situation, so I decided to sell and donate all of our baby items just to get them out of sight.

As fall approached, more triggers appeared. Returning to my teaching job after having the summer off meant I could no longer hide my grief from the world. Each passing day brought me closer to the due date for the child I lost — a date only I seemed to care about.

Avoiding my grief was no longer working. The painful emotions of my unprocessed grief consumed me. I felt completely alone. Antidepressants weren’t helping me either. Finding a therapist who took my insurance and had an opening was like looking for a needle in a haystack. Out of desperation, I reached for the only coping skills I knew of — all of which were unhealthy. I was drowning in my own sadness, shame, and loneliness. I didn’t see a way out.

Finally, my then-husband made a decision that maybe shouldn’t have bothered me but still did: He decided to get a vasectomy.

Although his decision made sense, I was not in the right emotional place to cope. I saw this decision as closing a door on a chapter of my life I wasn’t ready to give up. I soon realized that I needed more than some pills and a therapist who mostly specialized in depression and generalized anxiety.

I needed legitimate help if I wanted to live.

I am now five-and-a-half years removed from the loss of my third child, and my life looks very different. I have spent a lot of time in therapy and learned countless coping skills to help me deal with my emotions and reduce their power over me. I’ve also learned to let go of the blame I placed on myself for the loss of my child — a loss that was ultimately out of my control.

The child I lost still holds a special place in my heart. However, I can now talk about the miscarriage without feeling overwhelmed with sadness and pain. I can buy baby clothes for friends, look at ultrasounds, and enjoy baby showers for my loved ones. In fact, I can even discuss the possibility of future children with my current partner without feeling “selfish” or worrying that I am “cursed” in some way.

I personally feel like pregnancy loss is one of the most difficult types of grief to deal with. It’s not discussed enough, which means many people who are experiencing it may feel completely alone. If you’re dealing with this type of grief now, know that it’s OK to feel sad, angry, confused, or overwhelmed. It’s OK if it takes you months or even years to make peace with your loss. There’s no timeline for grief. Take all the time you need to grieve the loss you experienced.

This post was written by Megan Glosson and originally appeared on The Mighty.

And three times I’ve felt the exact opposite. The sinking of shoulders, the weight of grief with a miscarriage, in learning the pregnancy wasn’t viable and comprehending that all of those wants, hopes and plans were no longer a reality. 

Related: Pregnancy loss leave must be included in our parental leave conversations

Every loss is different. Every loss carries a different set of reasons to feel grief and despair, which changes you—as well as what the rest of what your family’s life might have looked like. 

I recently heard Michael Lewis discussing how exhaustion was one of the stages of grief in processing the heartbreaking loss of his daughter. Exhaustion because your brain is rewiring what it assumes the future might hold for you and your loved ones. While the circumstances around his family’s loss were different and unimaginable, his comments around grief broadly resonated. 

Pregnancy loss is brutal because it’s so much more than just one thing.

I remember once rolling my eyes at the philosophical debate of what the opposite of happiness is: the absence of happiness or the state of sadness? While it felt like a linguistic rabbit hole, I have come to appreciate the inverse of the debate in dealing with losses. 

Is the opposite of sadness the mere absence of it or happiness? This became all too crystalized during our third loss. We already had two amazing children and were trying for another, but it wasn’t meant to be. In the immediate aftermath of being informed that we had lost the pregnancy, I felt filled with two juxtaposed truths. 

One was the overwhelming nature of my grief. The other was my immense gratitude, paired with some guilt, in knowing we already had two incredible kids. The notion that I could be simultaneously feeling so much immense despair and loss while also feeling gratitude was unthinkable—yet I was thinking it.

Related: Trying to conceive after a miscarriage isn’t easy—but here’s how to prepare yourself to try again

Pregnancy loss is brutal because it’s so much more than just one thing. It’s the extinguishing of the future your mind begins to chart. It’s the physical pain and trauma that your body undergoes to get back to “normal.” It’s the despair of not knowing if you could have done something differently or, maybe worse, if there’s nothing you can control about it at all. And then there’s the road ahead in wondering if the next time will be different. 

With our first loss, I set my sights too high. I wanted the opposite of what I was feeling without stopping to grieve or recover. All of my hoping and wanting and planning couldn’t do a thing to will me from grief to happiness again without first recovering. 

I hope anyone reading this never needs to follow this advice, but I’ll offer it anyway: ask for support, go easy on yourself and take care of your body. Don’t treat recovery as a weigh station on the way to happiness, but instead as a critical component to dealing with what you’ve just been through. Allow for exhaustion, but know that you are far from alone. 

In honor of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month, Perelel’s Co-Founders Victoria (Tori) Thain Gioia, Alex Taylor and Dr. Banafsheh Bayati wanted to bring healing to their community with a Recovery Support Pack meticulously formulated for women’s bodies going through the healing process after any reproductive loss—including miscarriage, still birth, or any form of fetal loss.

Should I tell my young child about my miscarriage?

My son was very excited about being a “big brother” and having baby siblings to take care of. So for me and our family, I thought it was necessary he understood this was sadly no longer going to happen right now. 

If you told your child about your pregnancy, they knew you had babies in your tummy or you’re visibly sad, you may consider telling them about your pregnancy loss. 

Here are six things I learned about telling my toddler about my miscarriage

1. Make sure your young child knows it’s not their fault

They need to understand Mommy and Daddy are sad because the baby/babies are gone—not because of anything they did. They didn’t cause the babies to leave with their behavior, good or bad. 

2. Normalize that it’s OK to be sad

You will be surprised how much your toddler understands—I certainly was. They are already picking up on your roller-coaster of emotions from sadness to anger, to your physical distance if you and your spouse were in the hospital. They need reassurance that you’re present for them, and there’s nothing anyone could have done to keep the babies with you. “Mommy and Daddy are crying now, but we won’t always feel this way, someday we’ll feel better, but it’s important to feel these emotions when they come.”

Related: 7 vital lessons for teaching kids how to manage their emotions

3. Memorialize your loss together as a family

We held a private memorial service on some rocks by the ocean and it was a healing experience to say our individual goodbyes. You can involve young children so they can have closure as well. Memorializing loss together can look like planting a remembrance plant in your garden or releasing flowers into water. Your toddler can choose something meaningful for them to let go of—a flower, a shell, toy or rock they are OK parting with. They can bury it or throw it into a lake or ocean as a way of grieving.

4. Understand your toddler has emotions but struggles to express them 

Your toddler may laugh at times during this process, and this is developmentally normal. Their tiny nervous systems can often react with aggression, silliness because they don’t know how to deal with anxiety or uncomfortable emotions. It’s not a reflection of lack of care. In fact, they may be trying to make you feel better with joyful antics, especially if you have a highly sensitive child or empath.

5. Take care of you

Speaking from experience, the sad reality is, even with a goodbye ceremony, it may take a long time to heal. You may feel anger, resentment, pain, or sometimes joy when you least expect it. For many of us, grief isn’t linear. Your grief may look like moments where you feel good, and moments of sudden ache. To be present for my son meant I had to support myself in healing by small acts of self-care. For me, this looked like gardening, nutrition, exercise, time with my supportive girlfriends, asking for help, delegating tasks I don’t have energy for, seeking therapy and turning off my phone when I want to play cars with my son.

Related: How to cope with grief when your kids are grieving, too

6. Give it time

Mourning the loss of a child, whether through miscarriage or infant loss can be the greatest suffering a human can bear. Be gentle with yourself, your spouse and your children as we all grieve differently, and your child may grieve in ways resembling “defiant” behavior in school. Recognizing they have witnessed a trauma—their parents either being not around (in my case, I was hospitalized for nine days) or seeing you grieve may be painful for them. I thought my son hadn’t fully absorbed our goodbye, until the following day I got a text from his teacher. “Atlas told us the babies died and you said goodbye and Mommy was sad. He was really feeling all the emotions from it.”

Recently, holding a yellow candle, my son looked up at me saying, “Mommy, I prayed God would send the babies back so you wouldn’t be sad anymore. Look they’re coming back,” he said with a smile, pointing up at the stars. 

It broke my heart. But I responded, “You know what? We can see them in the stars, every time we look up, we can feel them. They are never fully gone from us, so we can wave hello or goodbye anytime we want until we’re together again.”

However you choose to go through this incredibly painful process, know you are not alone and there are resources to ensure you never feel alone in your pregnancy loss or familial grief. 

Though it’s harder to talk about the mental health impact miscarriages have on a woman. Amongst the wave of emotions a loss of a pregnancy can bring, one is a lingering sense of anxiety. Anxiety after miscarriage is a common outcome, and there is anecdotal evidence that women experience anxiety six to nine months after a pregnancy loss. 

There are a lot of reasons for miscarriage anxiety, but one thing women’s health experts say is that it’s commonplace. “It’s very common to have high anxiety after a miscarriage,” says Elisabeth Netherton, MD, a psychiatrist focused on women’s mental health at Mindpath Health. “It’s also very common for women to develop symptoms of PTSD and other trauma-related anxiety symptoms after miscarriage.”

Is it normal to feel anxious after a miscarriage?

Very normal. In one 2019 study, 24% of women who had a miscarriage a month prior showed moderate to severe anxiety symptoms. While some recovered from miscarriage anxiety, 17% continued to show symptoms after nine months. 

Whitney Casares, MD, a pediatrician and CEO of the Modern Mamas Club app says it’s completely understandable for previous moms-to-be to feel anxious or depressed after losing your child. “Miscarriage is a trauma to your body and mind,” she explains. “You were planning on having a live child, and all of a sudden, you’re not anymore.”

Related: How to handle miscarriage anxiety during pregnancy, according to experts

Why do people experience anxiety after miscarriage?

Anxiety after a miscarriage can come from the grief and guilt that you’ve lost a child—and blaming yourself for it. “Women are very good at assigning blame to themselves, as society has conditioned us to feel this way,” said Dr. Casares, who experienced her own miscarriage scare. 

For example, she says that women may feel guilt-ridden for deciding to put their career first and delaying having a child, as conception after age 30 has been linked to increased miscarriage risk.

“There is this false belief that women are to blame for pregnancy outcomes,” adds Dr. Netherton. “That if we do all the right things—eat only what we’re told and get the right amount of sleep—that we can manifest the perfect outcome, which becomes damaging when things don’t go well since those outcomes are fundamentally outside of our control.”

Related: It’s time to stop calling infertility a women’s health issue

Getting older makes it harder to get pregnant in the first place, and someone who invested time and money in procedures like in vitro fertilization (IVF) may feel worse anxiety over the loss. 

“After all the work you put in to get pregnant only to lose that child would absolutely cause grief,” adds Dr. Casares. 

Having a miscarriage late in your pregnancy may increase your anxiety risk because you were likely more mentally prepared or anticipated becoming a parent. 

Dr. Casares says that despite reading up on pregnancy and potential miscarriage, it’s difficult to override your nervous system in moments of severe shock and anxiety. 

Related: 8 things you need to know about miscarriage

“‘Was it the fish I ate?’, ‘Was it the drink I had one time when conceiving?’ Right in the beginning, your thoughts start to go there,” she explains. “The more traumatic experiences with pregnancy loss, the more likely someone is to question all the things they did wrong to make [the miscarriage] occur.” 

For people who already deal with existing anxiety, a miscarriage can exacerbate these symptoms.  

Like postpartum anxiety and depression women experience after giving birth, a miscarriage can cause a sudden hormone shift. “Across the duration of pregnancy, we see rapidly rising estrogen and progesterone levels that drop off precipitously at the time of delivery,” explains Dr. Netherton. “With miscarriages, that process happens as well and that hormone drop creates a biological precipitant for developing low mood and anxiety.”

How to spot miscarriage anxiety

Everyone reacts differently to a miscarriage, and the same can be said for miscarriage anxiety. You may exhibit a few or all of the symptoms of anxiety, such as:

• Difficulty concentrating
• Often feeling tired
• Sleep problems
• Feeling on edge
• Acting short-tempered or irritable

Both experts say that women with anxiety after miscarriage may manifest the condition differently. For example, symptoms may include:

• Ruminating out loud to friends and family what went wrong with the pregnancy
• Having uncontrollable feelings of worry over small or improbable things such as getting into a car crash or not getting somewhere in time
• Blaming someone else for their pregnancy loss
• Talking excessively about a subject for a long length of time
• Not eating regularly
• Getting distressed about things that ordinarily wouldn’t upset them

How long does it take for anxiety after a miscarriage to go away? 

There is no set timeline on when miscarriage anxiety ends. Most recover after six weeks, but some research estimates that of the women who get anxiety after miscarriage, 20% will have it for one to three years. 

Dr. Casares says the large discrepancy is that there’s usually only a six-week follow-up to assess the physical and emotional effects of a miscarriage. But there are times when a doctor may not even conduct a follow-up if women have no issue getting their periods again. “We need more mental health surveillance for these moms, more screening, and more open discussion about it,” says Dr. Casares. “We don’t know exactly how long [anxiety after miscarriage lasts], but it’s because we’re not asking the question.”

While there’s no timetable of when anxiety goes away, the possibility of it lasting the rest of your life is extremely low. “There’s no reason that anxiety needs to last forever,” explains Dr. Netherton. “When the anxiety is severe or gets in the way of daily functioning, that’s enough reason for women to seek some professional support with a therapist or psychiatrist.”

Sources

Farren J, Jalmbrant M, Falconieri N, Mitchell-Jones N, Bobdiwala S, Al-Memar M, Tapp S, Van Calster B, Wynants L, Timmerman D, Bourne T. Posttraumatic stress, anxiety and depression following miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy: a multicenter, prospective, cohort study. American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology. 2020 Apr 1;222(4):367-e1.

Magnus M C, Wilcox A J, Morken N, Weinberg C R, HÃ¥berg S E. Role of maternal age and pregnancy history in risk of miscarriage: prospective register based study. BMJ 2019; 364 :l869 doi:10.1136/bmj.l869

Nynas J, Narang P, Kolikonda MK, Lippmann S. Depression and anxiety following early pregnancy loss: recommendations for primary care providers. The primary care companion for CNS disorders. 2015 Jan 29;17(1):26225.

The report in Epidemiology correlates more miscarriages happening in the summer months (in North America) compared to the middle of winter. In fact, pregnant people in North America had a 44% higher chance of early miscarriage (that’s within eight weeks of pregnancy) in the summer months compared to winter. The highest chance may be in late August, when the risk of miscarriage at any week during pregnancy was 31% higher over the February mark.

We know there are several risk factors for pregnancy loss, but we still don’t understand the whole picture. As many as 10 to 20% of clinically recognized pregnancies and 30% to 50% of chemical pregnancies end before 20 weeks in, and the majority stem from a genetic issue like a chromosomal abnormality—not a result of heat exposure. However, the correlation between miscarriage risk and extreme heat is worth exploring.

Related: Climate change is a women’s health issue

How heat affects pregnancy

“We know that heat is associated with higher risk of other pregnancy outcomes, such as preterm delivery, low birth weight and stillbirth, in particular,” says Amelia Wesselink, study lead and corresponding author, and a research assistant professor of epidemiology at Boston University School of Public Health, in a statement. She says that medical guidance and public health messaging must consider the effects of heat on those expecting and their babies.

Wesselink’s team isn’t the only one that has assessed heat’s impacts on pregnancy. 

Related: I’m a climate scientist: Here’s how climate change directly impacts mothers and babies

A 2021 study showed that exposure to scorching temperatures during the first few weeks after conceiving raised the rate of pregnancy loss for clinically unrecognized pregnancies, while being in the cold during those first few weeks seems to lower that rate. 

And another 2021 study made some pretty powerful statements connecting heat and pregnancy. It found that preterm births went up 16% during heat waves. 

There’s also been quite a bit of research into the effects of climate change on pregnancy.

Correlation, but not causation

So, should you be concerned if you’re newly pregnant in the dead of summer? Yes and no, says Hugh S. Taylor, MD, an OB-GYN and reproductive endocrinologist and a professor at Yale School of Medicine, who was not part of the research team.

“It is important to keep this information in perspective,” Dr. Taylor tells Motherly. While you can do a lot to keep yourself well, staying out of the heat and being hydrated non-stop isn’t the key factor in preventing miscarriages—as many of them are not preventable in the first place.

“Miscarriages are very common in early pregnancy, however chromosomal abnormalities cause about 50% of all miscarriages in the first trimester. This is genetic and not something we have control over; a miscarriage is very rarely something that could have been prevented.” 

Related: These are the actual odds of getting pregnant each month

Taylor notes that dehydration caused by heat exposure can affect pregnancy and fetal development. High temperature can as well, although the body is generally quite effective in regulating internal temperature, Taylor notes.

A woman’s blood volume needs to be higher in pregnancy and her heart and circulation are altered, he explains.

You should be mindful of the heat if you’re planning on getting pregnant or newly pregnant in the summer. Be extra careful or avoid being in the extreme heat and performing any strenuous activity (probably not the best idea to take a hike).

“Most importantly, stay hydrated,” Taylor says.

Sounds like following a few tips (like drinking enough water) can go a long way to help reducing your risk, but it may not be the factor that stops a miscarriage from occurring. Again, more research is needed.

Related: Yes, pregnant women can eat some types of sushi during pregnancy

Exploring connections between miscarriage risk and extreme heat

For now, researchers have more clues into what causes miscarriage—and potentially some intel on how to possibly prevent it.

“Any time you see seasonal variation in an outcome, it can give you hints about causes of that outcome,” notes Wesselink. 

With a correlation established, more research needs to be done, Wesselink goes on.

“Now we need to dig into that more to understand what kinds of exposures are more prevalent in the summer, and which of these exposures could explain the increased risk of miscarriage,” she adds.

Sources

Hajdu, T., Hajdu, G. Post-conception heat exposure increases clinically unobserved pregnancy losses. Sci Rep 11, 1987 (2021). doi:10.1038/s41598-021-81496-x

National Partnership for Women & Families National Birth Equity Collaborative. (2021). Higher Temperatures Hurt Mothers and Babies. 2021.

Wesselink, Amelia K.a; Wise, Lauren A.a; Hatch, Elizabeth E.a; Mikkelsen, Ellen M.b; Savitz, David A.c; Kirwa, Kiprutod; Rothman, Kenneth J.a,e. A Prospective Cohort Study of Seasonal Variation in Spontaneous Abortion. Epidemiology: May 2022 – Volume 33 – Issue 3 – p 441-448. doi: 10.1097/EDE.0000000000001474 

The moment I realized I was pregnant, I tried to dial my emotions down. I used the term “cautiously optimistic” because I wanted to make sure that I was not overly attached to my pregnancy in case I would become one in four people who miscarry.

I only told a handful of friends and always made sure to include the sentence “We are excited, but I’m only telling people who could support me through a miscarriage right now.” Even knowing the statistics, and my increased likelihood because of my ongoing battle with PCOS and hypothyroidism, I was still excited.

Related: If news of pregnancy loss stirs up miscarriage grief, you aren’t alone

My husband and I talked to the little life growing inside of me every night. Every time we went grocery shopping we found ourselves in the baby aisle. We bought several onesies and hung them up in our bedroom so we could stare at them while we were falling asleep, hoping for dreams of our future child. While we celebrated my pregnancy, we also discussed safety plans for if I was to miscarry or get to our first ultrasound and find out that our little one had no heartbeat. We tried to be realistic about our chances of having a successful pregnancy with my first conception while also staying positive.

So when the spotting started, I wasn’t entirely surprised. I had researched miscarriage symptoms at each week and was already aware that this spotting could be normal, but could also be a sign of something worse to come. Within six hours, my husband and I were sitting in our bed, crying, holding each other and accepting that this first pregnancy would not bring us a baby in the next seven months.

As prepared as I tried to be for this journey, there were several things that I wish I had been ready to face. It is never my goal to scare another pregnant person, especially if they are suspicious that a miscarriage may be starting or is in their near future.

But in case you are one of the few like me that feel better knowing as much of the truth as possible, here are some things I wish I would have expected when I stopped expecting.

1. You may not have answers right away

I began spotting at noon on a Wednesday. By 8pm that night, I was passing dark red clots. I had been on the phone with my OB’s office and they had suggested an emergency ultrasound the following morning. I bled through the night, went to the doctor’s office, had the procedure done, and then was sent home to come back in the morning to discuss my “options” with my doctor. I had asked to speak to a nurse, to an ultrasound technician, and the practice manager for any word about if my pregnancy was viable, but was told that my doctor would have to look through the ultrasound photos.

I had been bleeding for 48 hours, thinking the absolute worst, dreading the next bathroom trip, before my doctor said the words “miscarriage” out loud. Even then, my doctor explained that at seven weeks in the pregnancy, it can be hard to see what is happening via ultrasound and so he would like to confirm it by testing my HCG levels over the course of several days although he was fairly certain my pregnancy was ending. Further, a D&C was not off the table yet. Depending on how much tissue I passed, how long I bled, and how quickly my HCG levels declined, I might have to have a surgical procedure to empty my womb.

It was a very long wait to find answers, and I took it minute by minute as best as I could.

I had my first blood draw that Friday, and my second the following Monday. On Tuesday I got a call that my HCG levels were decreasing, but not enough to confirm that my miscarriage was complete. I repeated blood work again that week. 13 days after I began bleeding, I was finally testing negative and was told that I should not need a D&C. My pregnancy was over.

2. This will not feel like a period

I had thought that a miscarriage at seven weeks would feel a lot like a late period. I now know better. Even if I hadn’t known I was pregnant, if I had thought this bleeding was a period I would have went to the hospital. The bleeding was severe, lasting several days and had several clots. Three days after I started bleeding I was brought to my knees in pain. I explained to my husband it felt like severe cramps, like a knife sawing back and forth in my stomach.

I later learned that that was my uterus contracting, similar to someone who is giving birth after a 40 week pregnancy. My body was doing more than what it would during a menstrual cycle, it was contracting my uterus to essentially give birth to my child. Just months too early. Some people may pass the fetus all at once, and others may pass pieces at a time. I fell into the latter category, and so it did not feel like I could just grieve one time. Every trip to the bathroom was excruciating both emotionally and physically.

3. You may have to advocate for time off work on your own

Not everyone will understand how devastating a miscarriage is. While my boss was very supportive, my agency’s policies and HR department did not reflect that support. I had to spend several hours on the phone facilitating conversations between my doctor’s office and my HR department to try and find out exactly what my options were for my time off. I was quickly reaching an apathetic state where I was conscious that if I did not have enough paid time off, I might lose my job along with my pregnancy, and in those few weeks I couldn’t bring myself to care.

Related: What to say when your friend has a miscarriage

My doctor did not offer FMLA at my initial appointment, although I think he should have. Similarly, my HR director did not suggest applying for FMLA when she had heard about my miscarriage. A nurse had even told me that the office could not write me off work for a miscarriage since I can “work through it.” I was not in a place mentally to even think about my job, my hours or my pay while losing my pregnancy, and I wish someone would have reached out to me to walk me through my options. Eventually I worked out a solution with my boss to take time off, but it was not without a fight with both my agency and my doctor’s office.

4. Your next period will be different than normal

The day before I started my first period since my miscarriage I couldn’t stop crying. I had several intense crying episodes that left me puffy faced and having trouble breathing. I told my husband that I felt crazy and like I could not grasp any true emotions. I was cycling through several feelings and thoughts, ups and downs, and even thoughts that led me to worry if I would act on harming myself. The next day when I noticed I was starting to spot, I realized that this might be a side effect from my cycle trying to regulate.

I called my doctor’s office and was told that there can be large hormonal changes during your first cycle that can even mimic and feel like postpartum depression. I was also told to expect a heavy and more painful period and they were correct. The first day I started I was reminded of the uterus contractions I had had during my miscarriage. I spent a lot of time crying on the floor trying to stretch and relieve the pain. I also lost close to 200ml of fluid/blood in the first 48 hours.

Menstrual cups have always been my preferred choice for menstruation products, and this was very helpful for noting how much fluid I was losing during this period. Losing this large amount of blood every day had me exhausted and battling mind fog no matter how much caffeine I drank or how many naps I took. Again, I had wished I had more options for taking time off work during this time.

5. Some people will say thoughtless things

Like many times in life, people will say some thoughtless things in an attempt to support you. I tried to be very understanding of this. They may not know what to say, and they may be triggered about their own experiences when hearing about yours. My biggest piece of advice is to set boundaries early. I let several people know I was not OK with hearing stories of others pregnancy losses, and I also did not want to discuss how far along I was, as if that made the loss less valid.

I simultaneously thanked people on their apologies while educating them on how things they said were hurtful to me. I even made a post on my social media including things to say when you’re not sure what to say. While it is not your responsibility to correct them, it is your responsibility to take care of yourself and your mental health the best you can during a time where you are likely already struggling. Preparing a statement on your boundaries when you announce your miscarriage may save you, and your loved ones, a hard conversation later.

6. Your baby and your pregnancy are still important no matter the circumstances

Going back to the previous point, it felt as if a lot of people did not feel that this pregnancy was valid or that my baby’s life (of lack thereof) was something to grieve. Ultimately, I had decided that their opinion was not relevant to me, and I would grieve how I needed to. It didn’t matter to me that I was seven weeks pregnant and that there was a chance the fetus inside of me may have never had a heartbeat or had too many genetic abnormalities to survive outside of my womb. What mattered to me that I was still grieving a loss, regardless of how you may feel about spirituality. I was losing a future I had envisioned and was entirely ready for. That alone was enough suffering for me to feel justified in my grief.

I made a little memento box for my pregnancy and the life that I lost. I included the pregnancy test, and a beautiful glass blueberry that represented how big they had grown. My husband and I decided on a name that honored this pregnancy and was meaningful to us, which helped us when referring to our little one without saying dismissive things like “the fetus” or “it.” I also bought a necklace to remind me of the life I carried for seven weeks and I have not taken it off since then. For me, these ways of grieving me helped remind me that while I never got to hold or see the life I had created, they were real and they would be a part of me for the rest of my life.

It also didn’t matter that I could get pregnant again, although people tended to focus on the future with a hopeful outlook instead of validating my painful present. My doctor did discuss trying to conceive after our loss with me. I had learned that many people experience a rise in fertility following a miscarriage and my doctor was confident that I would be able to be pregnant again in just a few months, if I had wanted to.

I take that decision cycle by cycle and discuss how I’m feeling about all options with my husband when we make those decisions. We are excited for our rainbow baby and for another pregnancy, but we can be excited for that while also grieving the loss of our first. I have learned that my grief and my hope can both live together in harmony, leaning on each other in the unlikeliest of ways.

If you are experiencing a miscarriage, know you are not alone. There are many other people who have gone through this and are more than ready to support you in the ways you need. These people should be able to validate what you’re going through while also giving you some strength to pull through. There may be a support group local to your area, but there are also many virtual communities through Facebook, the Mighty, and What to Expect that I found very helpful for me.

I also reached out several times to the suicide prevention lifeline to speak through some of the intense emotions I was feeling. You may have a different supportive crisis line you prefer, but in case you don’t the number to reach them is 1-800-273-8255 and is available 24/7.

Thank you for reading my story, and I hope it helps with your own.

This story was written by Amanda Allen-Herm and originally appeared on The Mighty.

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