Motherly https://www.mother.ly A wellbeing brand empowering mothers to thrive. Mon, 30 Jan 2023 13:40:47 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.1.1 Motherly A wellbeing brand empowering mothers to thrive. clean 5 everyday opportunities to teach your toddler to talk  https://www.mother.ly/toddler/toddler-milestones/toddler-language-development-ideas/ Sun, 29 Jan 2023 13:00:00 +0000 https://www.mother.ly/?p=169069 The idea of setting aside time to work on your toddler’s communication skills may feel stressful. Your days are usually packed, and you already have a lot to manage.

If you’re struggling to find structured time to teach your little one to communicate–and eventually say their magical first words—the good news is that you don’t have to abide by any rigid schedule. In fact, you can weave practice into your everyday activities. 

Related: It’s science: How we talk to babies has a dramatic effect on their future vocabulary

Research shows that the more often parents meaningfully interact with their kids and practice foundational speech and language skills (even informally), the more quickly they’ll reach developmental milestones.

The bottom line is that you don’t have to squeeze speech practice into your already full schedule. Practice can happen organically, in everyday exchanges with your child, during activities you’re already doing like eating a meal, playing at the park or riding in the car. You simply need to know how to purposefully interact with your child to create natural, language-building moments. Below are five points in the day where you can practice your toddler’s communication skills.

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5 points in the day to help your toddler’s language development 

1. During the morning routine

Any time is a good time for music—especially in the morning to jumpstart your day! Pausing during songs and encouraging your child to fill in the blanks helps increase expressive language. Try singing some fun songs during breakfast. For example, you could try: “I like to eat, eat, eat, apples and bananas,” but fill in the blank with the foods your child is actually eating. Pause after you sing, “I like to eat, eat, eat…” and see if your child will label their breakfast food for you.

When getting your child dressed for the day, offer them choices about what they’d like to wear. Providing choices is a powerful way to promote language development because it gives your child a taste of independence. Communicating what they want, and then receiving that item, creates a reward structure that can encourage them to speak more. Try presenting two shirts. You can say, “Would you like the gray shirt? Or the red shirt?” Pause, wait, and see if your child responds. If they usually only point, then prompt them to imitate the name of their desired shirt color. If they typically only give you one word (like “red”), prompt them for a two-word phrase (like “red shirt.”) You want to work just one level above where your child currently is.

2. Driving in the car

Wherever you’re going, use this valuable time to your advantage. Here are some ways to help toddler language development while on the go: 

  • Model some non-speech sounds for your child to imitate. If you hear a horn or an engine, say, “Beep! Beep!” or “Vroom vroom!” Sometimes, early communicators are more likely to imitate non-speech sounds at first. This is a perfect stepping stone if your child isn’t yet using many words.
  • Try targeting concepts like “stop” and “go.” When you stop the car, you can say, “Stop! The car stopped!” When it’s time to drive, say, “Go! Go car!” See if your child will imitate these phrases. Your child may even begin independently saying, “Go!” or “Stop!” over time. 
  • Continue to use music and nursery rhymes to promote language growth. The great thing about singing and talking in the car is that your child is buckled in–they can’t go anywhere, and you get their full attention.

Related: Listening to music with your kids boosts your bond—especially with teenagers

3. Shopping for groceries

There are lots of language opportunities at the supermarket. In the produce aisles, make it a point to talk about the colors you see: red apples, green grapes. Not only will your child be learning their colors, but they may begin to use these words in their everyday speech.

As you find each item on your list, have your child label the item or use it in a phrase. You can tell your child, “I need your help! What is this?” and point to the item on the shelf. Once they give you a verbalization, give them a high five and put the item in the cart. By feeling like they’re helping you shop, they may be more motivated to communicate.

4. Playing outside

Being outdoors offers fresh air, exercise and a wealth of language opportunities, too. Here are a few ways to encourage your toddler to speak when playing outdoors:

  • Swinging is the perfect activity to target verbalizations. As you push your child on the swing, grab the swing and wait. See if your child requests, “More!” or “Go!” before you reward them with a push. For added cueing, you could model, “Ready, set, ….” and see if your child fills in the blank with “Go!”
  • Target fun animal sounds while playing outside. Again, practicing non-speech sounds may be easier for children than producing real words. If you see a dog on a walk, ask your child, “What does the dog say?” 
  • Continue to offer your child choices: “Do you want to play on the swing, or go on the slide?” This is a natural context for your child to communicate, and one that’s very rewarding.

Related: Getting kids to play outdoors is one of the best things you can do for them

5. Winding down for bedtime

While the day may be coming to a close, that doesn’t mean practice has to end. There are many ways to promote language growth during your child’s nighttime routine.

  • Bathtime is an opportunity to target speech and language skills. You can teach words like “On” and “Off” with the faucet. You can even target concepts like “Wet” and “Dry” and “In” and “Out.”
  • Be sure to read a book with your child before bed. Reading allows your child to hear new vocabulary and learn correct sentence structure. Ask your child to point to different items in the pictures, or name them. For children who are already using some phrases, you can ask a question like, “What do you see in the picture?”

You know your child best. Think about what communication skills will benefit your child most, and how you can naturally weave them into their everyday routine. It isn’t hard–it just takes some creativity. Your little one will be talking in no time.

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This TikTok ‘mobile changing station’ is a potty training game-changer https://www.mother.ly/news/viral-trending/potty-training-kit-tiktok/ Fri, 08 Jul 2022 12:44:24 +0000 https://www.mother.ly/?p=112314 Potty training is serious business. And once you start, you don’t want to change anything that would interfere with this huge milestone. But you also can’t stay home 24/7. 

Jacquelin Castillo, who you might know as @momlikeaboss_ on TikTok, shared every product she takes for potty-training-on-the-go, so as not to mess-up her kids schedule or the potty training progress she’s already made at home. 

@momlikeaboss_

Do you wanna see my summer car bin? Eveything is under “Shop my Videos” just click this video! I love organizing and being prepared for all the things 🤤 #momhacks #pottytraininnghacks #travelpotty #momhack #momtipsandtricks #travelhack #toddlertips @momlikeaboss_

♬ Love You So – The King Khan & BBQ Show
@momlikeaboss_/TikTok

For successful potty-training-on-the-go, Castillo shares you need:

  • A tote to put everything in
  • A pop-up potty: Castillo’s pro tip: Have this already lined with a bag, in case there’s a No. 2 situation. 
  • A changing pad (what mom doesn’t leave home without this already!?)
  • A foldable toilet seat “This is a game-changer if your kids are scared they’re going to fall in the toilet,” says Castillo. 
  • Baby wipes
  • Restocked diapers 
  • A change of clothes (in case there’s any accidents)
  • Sanitizing wipes (to wipe everything down, just in case things turn sour)
  • Hand sanitizer
  • Extra trash bags
  • Diaper rash ointment
  • A treat: For when the little one goes, of course!

While this is great for potty training, Castillo says this to-go kit is great for regular diaper changes, as well. Whether you’re a mom that doesn’t carry a diaper bag or if you happe to forget your diaper bag, this is a great emergency-kit to keep in the car.

In case you don’t already have this potty training to go kit in your car, we’ve gathered all the products for you! 

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Preschool graduation is a bittersweet milestone https://www.mother.ly/toddler/toddler-milestones/preschool-graduation-sad/ Wed, 06 Jul 2022 16:35:20 +0000 https://www.mother.ly/?p=111600 Today is preschool graduation day for the youngest of my four children—and it is bittersweet. Yes, I am grateful my energetic son is going to kindergarten in the fall (and boy, is he ready), but I also feel sentimental today. Tears fill my eyes hours before the graduation ceremony starts as I recall my son’s eager face on the first day of preschool. I look at my little boy in his handmade graduation cap with colorful pompoms glued on top and bite my lip to hold back tears.  

This is just one of many “lasts” for our family of six. Having four children, all of whom are two years apart, means preschool has been an integral part of our daily routine for eight consecutive years. I feel pride and excitement with each milestone my children achieve, but these “firsts” and “lasts” break my heart a bit too. No one prepared me for the mix of emotions that I experience with each milestone.  

My son is over the moon to start kindergarten in the fall. Although I am excited about this new chapter in his life, my joy is mixed with sadness as I say goodbye to the preschool version of him. Tears dampen my cheeks as I watch him sing in his final preschool performance and hug his teacher goodbye for the last time. I will miss these preschool days of innocence, sandbox play, and messy art projects. My son’s preschool years, and his siblings’ preschool years, will always hold a special place in my heart.   

Related: To the mama sending her kids back to preschool

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Erin Leigh

I will miss:

Walking with my son to preschool as he chatters about trucks, construction workers and dogs he observes along the way.

Holding his little hand as we walk to the door of his classroom.

Seeing his exuberance to enter his classroom and play with his friends. 

Receiving his intense, ten-second goodbye hug that almost knocks me over.  

Hearing him say, “Mommy, come back for one more hug.”  

Watching his enthusiastic wave and beaming face when I arrive to pick him up.  

Feeling his sticky hands, speckled with dried clay, glue and purple paint. 

Observing his affection and love for his teachers who dedicate their days to helping him learn.

Related: I wasn’t prepared for the emotions of watching my child graduate preschool

When my son began this preschool journey, he was a toddler, unsure of himself and reluctant to leave the comfort of home. Now, he is a confident five-year-old boy prepared for elementary school.

His preschool graduation is an emotional milestone for both of us. For him, it brings excitement and anticipation. For me, it brings pride, joy and a bit of sadness. I cry because it is difficult to let go and accept that my preschool son is moving on.

Sometimes, even the happy moments can bring us to tears because we are so invested in each phase of our child’s life. Change can be difficult, even when it is a positive change. So, mama, embrace your emotions, even if you are crying when you feel you should be cheering. The milestones are bittersweet.   

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Viral TikTok video captures the bittersweet emotions of saying goodbye to the baby crib https://www.mother.ly/news/viral-trending/baby-crib-emotional-tiktok/ Thu, 30 Jun 2022 17:39:04 +0000 https://www.mother.ly/?p=110552 As moms, we tend to get a bit sentimental when it comes to letting go of baby gear and childhood mementos, like the baby crib or newborn clothes. But we don’t realize that letting go can be hard for the entire family. A TikTok video is going viral for the emotional reaction that saying goodbye to a baby crib sparked—not just for the toddler but for his older brothers, too.

Mom of three Megan, whose TikTok handle is megan.elizabeth.x3, shared the sweet video with the caption, “How am I expected to hold it together now?”

Related: Your baby has grown—is it time to transition from a crib to a bed? 

In the video, three brothers stand in the toddler’s bedroom talking about what will happen to the crib now that the younger brother is moving on to a bigger bed. His older brother tells him that they will take the crib apart, and then suggestions he say goodbye to it.

“Give one hug, one last hug to it,” the brother suggests.

@megan.elizabeth.x3

How am I expected to hold it together now? I was doing so good too #babycrib #goodbye #growingup #babybrother

♬ original sound – Megan

After the boy hugs his crib, one of his brothers notices that he’s sad—and then he starts crying too.

“I’m sad, too, that it’s gonna happen,” the older brother says, wiping tears. “I miss he can sleep ’cause when I always go in to check on him when he’s still asleep, it’s gorgeous.” Cue the tears for everyone!

The brothers all snuggle up in the crib for a few minutes, before deciding that the crib has got to go. By the end of the video, the toddler is insisting that he doesn’t need help getting out of the crib because he’s “a big boy”.

Related: My daughters are no longer babies but I can’t let go of *all* of their baby stuff 

The video is going viral not just because it oozes sibling sweetness, but also because it captures the complicated emotions we can feel when we say goodbye to baby stuff. Sometimes those feelings can really catch you by surprise. When I gave our baby crib to a family member to use with their baby, I was downright shocked that I cried while loading it into the car. Even though I hate clutter and I was thrilled to see the crib being put to good use, the rush of emotions startled me.

Whatever you’re feeling, whatever your kids are feeling, it’s all normal and OK. Feel the feelings. Have a good cry. And if you need to, follow this older brother’s advice: “Give one hug, one last hug to it.”

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I wasn’t prepared for the emotions of watching my child graduate preschool https://www.mother.ly/toddler/toddler-milestones/preschool-graduation/ Wed, 01 Jun 2022 14:50:11 +0000 https://www.mother.ly/?p=103688 I wasn’t prepared for all the emotions I’d feel watching my little one graduate from preschool. It feels like a new chapter is starting for us both. It was all new when we first started this journey of preschool together. The sign-in sheets and school drop-off routines. The tears and running out of the classroom doors. Learning that you would come home and tell me you had fun and missed me. Learning that we would both be OK. As you adjusted to a teacher and a classroom, I adjusted to going back to school and working. 

It took so much for us both to get here. You used to go to school with a favorite blanket that now, you don’t always ask for in the morning anymore (so many mornings and nights spent searching for that favorite blankey). And how we had to potty train one summer before your first Pre-K class started. It was hard for us both, but we did it together. 

Related: How to choose the right preschool for your child

I love how much you love all of your Spider-man things you picked out for school and the pride with which you’ve shown those things to your classmates and teacher. I hope and pray you are always unapologetically you. 

Preschool has taught us both that change can be so hard, but it can also be so good.

I’ve watched you grow in self-confidence, and though you will always be my youngest boy and my baby, you are becoming more of your own person every day. I love how you tell stories and sing songs and have groovy and silly dance moves. I love how much you love Pizza Day at school. I love how you know what Hammerhead sharks are called and how much you love the porridge in the story of “Goldilocks and the Three Bears.” 

As I watch you up on that stage and watch your joy and enthusiasm, I know you will have so many moments to shine in the coming years. That there will be many more messes ahead. And tears cried for different reasons, due to different challenges. And that each new milestone, as small or big as it may be, is an opportunity to appreciate you and how you’re growing and changing and how our relationship is changing, too.

Preschool has taught us both that change can be so hard, but it can also be so good. I know one day too soon you won’t show me all the cool rocks and sticks you found outside. You might stop picking flowers for me, though I hope that you still will.  

Your early years have shaped us both. 

I’ll eventually stop finding half-finished snacks throughout the house, and race cars and dinosaurs. One day, picking out new toys from the dollar store or going to the splash pad together won’t be the same. One day, there might not be as many questions you ask that I can answer. 

But for now, I’m so grateful that giving your mom hugs is still cool, that you still love to hold my hand at the zoo, and that snow cones and popsicles are so exciting. That you still play with your toys all over the house and get lost in your own little world you’ve made. Your early years have shaped us both. 

Related: How to build your toddler’s independence for school

Some people might tell me, “Well, it’s just a Preschool graduation.”  But if there’s anything that motherhood has taught me, it’s that what they say about blinking is really true. The next milestones and changes and seasons of parenting come before you are ready for them to. 

So, I’ll take every excuse to celebrate you and us both and how far we have come together—and how far we still have to go.

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10 books for parenting toddlers that you need on your shelf for this big phase https://www.mother.ly/toddler/toddler-milestones/parenting-books-for-toddlers/ Fri, 29 Apr 2022 17:19:59 +0000 https://www.mother.ly/?p=95767 Ah, toddlers. One minute they’re giggling nonstop over a pile of noodles, and the next they’re sobbing over the way you put their shoe on. From the inexplicable to the downright adorable, there is no denying that parenting a toddler is unlike any other stage of childhood development. And while it’s surely going to put your parenting skills to the test, the good news is there are plenty of other parents out there to empathize with and celebrate these years right along with you. 

While there will never be a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, these ten parenting books for toddlers offer tips, tricks, strategies, and camaraderie and will help you tame tantrums, communicate better, and even laugh out loud. We think they’re all worth reading, whenever you can cram in the time. 

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10 best toddler parenting books

the happiest toddler on the block book

Harvey Karp, M.D.

1. The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful, and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old

You may know Harvey Karp from his bestseller, The Happiest Baby on the Block, and his awesome products like the Snoo. In the same vein as The Happiest Baby, Karp offers parents strong strategies for the toddler years—which Karp identifies as beginning around eight months of age—aimed at helping parents communicate with toddlers on their primitive level. Tips like the fast food rule, which uses gesture, repetition, simplicity, and tone as well as how to handle big topics like separation anxiety, potty training, and more.

the montessori toddler book

Simone Davies

2. The Montessori Toddler: A Parent's Guide to Raising a Curious and Responsible Human Being

Whether you’re a die-hard believer in the benefits of Montessori play or you’re looking to cast a wide net to find positive approaches to parenting through the toddler years, Simone Davies offers a book that is full of not just coping tools but tons of ways to foster curiosity and encourage learning. Practical, useful advice like how to set up a non-chaotic home environment and an array of Montessori-based activities accompanies real-world help for establishing daily routines, setting boundaries without bribes, staying composed during meltdowns, and more. You need not be familiar with Montessori to benefit from this book.

toddler discipline without shame book

Janet Lansbury

3. No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

Parents who struggle with disciplining their toddler (ahem, all of us) will find a compassionate, welcome message in Lansbury’s book. Approaching the act of “discipline” with a new lens, based not just on studies and research but also on more than 20 years of empowering parents through the toddler years. Lansbury helps parents remember that the toddler years and toddler defiance are a critical part of their development, and it’s their job to test our patience and love as they test boundaries. This book helps parents approach toddlerhood with a foundation of mutual respect and compassion.

oh crap potty training for modern parents books

Jamie Glowacki

4. Oh Crap! Potty Training: Everything Modern Parents Need to Know to Do It Once and Do It Right

One of the biggest milestones, and stressors, of moving your child from daycare into a preschool is potty training, and author Jamie Glowacki recommends you get started between 20 and 30 months of age. Glowacki’s six-step plan has been parent-tested again and again and takes a lot of the anxiety out of the process by helping you understand when your child is ready, potty regression, potty power struggles, and other common obstacles potty-training parents face. 

oh crap i have a toddler book

Jamie Glowacki

5. Oh Crap! I Have a Toddler: Tackling These Crazy Awesome Years―No Time-outs Needed

Jamie Glowacki is also the author of “Oh Crap! I Have a Toddler,” another funny and insightful read that takes a lot of the stress and pressure out of the so-called “terrible twos” and beyond using humor and practical advice.

how to parent your anxious toddler book

Natasha Daniels

6. How to Parent Your Anxious Toddler

Separation anxiety, meltdowns when a routine is disrupted, bedtime struggles: anxiety in toddlers often manifests in ways that can cause parents to feel exhausted. Author Daniels helps explain the behaviors of anxious toddlers and offers lots of very practical solutions using real-life examples that are explained from both a parent and a toddler’s point of view. Great for parents and educators alike.

the complete guide to baby sign language book

Lane Rebelo

7. The Complete Guide to Baby Sign Language: 200+ Signs for You and Baby to Learn Together

You might not think of a book of sign language as a go-to parenting book, but consider Dr. Harvey Karp’s message: communicating with your toddler on their level is a key component of making toddlers feel heard and nipping tantrums in the bud. Using sign language, children can communicate even before they know their words or when they are too mad, sad or anxious to speak. Whether a child is hearing impaired or not, sign will help them communicate their feelings, needs, and wants to you in a simple, effective way. This book offers a visual demonstration of over 200 signs toddlers can easily learn and replicate.

how to talk so kids will listen book

Joanna Faber and Julie King

8. How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen

The authors of the bestselling How to Talk series (including “How to Talk so Kids Will Listen”) offer this breakdown of communication strategies aimed at parents of little kids 2 to 7. It helps normalize the common problems parents and kids have, from tantrums to talking back, and offers lots of strategies for parents culled from the authors’ own life experiences as parents and teachers. The good news is, even if you can’t get behind every word of this book, you are nearly guaranteed to walk away with several applicable ways to talk with your kids without yelling or feeling frustrated, the kind you’ll actually remember in the heat of the moment.

how to stop losing your shit with your kids book

Carla Naumburg

9. How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids: A Practical Guide to Becoming a Calmer, Happier Parent

This one doesn’t apply just to toddler parents, but toddler parents will get a lot out of it. Babies are tiring for entirely different reasons, and now that you have a toddler on your hands, you have a little one pushing boundaries, exploring the world, and clinging to your legs (often all at once). Whether your child is two or twelve, this book is focused on ways to help stop parenting meltdowns. We cannot promise you won’t still occasionally cry in the shower, but after reading this, you will definitely have some major coping strategies and will be better for it.

how toddlers thrive

Tovah P. Klein

10. How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

In this book author, Tovah Klein helps parents rethink their approach to the generalizations like “terrible twos” and the idea that toddlers are misbehaving and rude. Instead, she offers parents a fresh view and six key ways to connect to their kids in a meaningful way through simple actions that are easy to execute on a daily basis.

A version of this article was published April 29, 2022. It has been updated.

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8 Montessori-inspired phrases to use for each stage of potty training https://www.mother.ly/parenting/how-to-potty-train-the-montessori-way/ Tue, 05 Apr 2022 00:14:25 +0000 https://www.mother.ly/uncategorized/how-to-potty-train-the-montessori-way/ As parents we look forward to milestones like introducing baby to their first foods and watching them take their first steps—but for some reason, potty training doesn’t exactly incite the same feelings of excitement.

Part of this is undoubtedly the mess. But another part is that toileting is one of the few things that children are in complete control of, plus you have to learn how to potty train. You cannot force your child to use the toilet (and you shouldn’t try!)

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Because children are in control of whether or not they use the toilet, the language you use with your child is very important. The goal is to empower them and their growing desire for independence, without starting a power struggle or inadvertently causing feelings of shame or failure.

Related: Ready to potty train? Here’s your shopping list

Montessori uses distinct language with children learning to use the toilet, starting with the term “toilet learning” rather than “potty training.” The difference may seem subtle, but reflects Montessori’s emphasis on the child’s engagement and participation in the process, while “training” implies a more passive role.

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8 Montessori-inspired phrases to use during each stage of toilet learning:

1. “Your diaper is wet. Let’s go change your diaper.”

Learning body awareness and the language around toileting begins at birth. In the early days, we spend SO much time changing diapers. This is a great opportunity to help your child become aware that they feel wet because they peed in their diaper, that you are changing their diaper so their body is clean and comfortable.

From a Montessori perspective, it’s important to avoid using any negative language (or faces!) when changing diapers. Saying it’s gross or stinky can impact how your child feels about their bodily functions and toileting later on.

Montessori-style diaper changes are also as collaborative as possible. For the youngest babies, this may just mean explaining what you’re doing. With an older baby, you might ask them to lift their own legs so you can put the diaper underneath or, if they’re mobile, to bring a clean diaper to you.

The type of diapers you use is a personal decision, but many Montessori parents use cloth diapering because cloth diapers allow the child to feel wet more than disposables, which can lead to greater awareness of what’s happening with the body.

Related: 32 stylish diaper bags that don’t look like diaper bags

2. “You’re so stable now. Let’s try standing for your diaper today.”

As soon as a baby or young toddler can reliably stand up with support, the Montessori approach switches to stand-up diapering. The child stands, holding onto a low bar (a wooden closet rod can easily be installed at home) while you change their diaper. If you don’t want to install a bar, some families ask the child to hold onto the edge of the bathtub or a low shelf or table instead.

If you’ve been completing diaper changes in your child’s room, this is a good time to move diapering to the bathroom to help them begin to connect bodily functions with the toilet.

Related: Guess what? You don’t have to potty train your kids

3. “Please push your pants down.”

Once your child can stand with some stability, it’s a great time to encourage independent dressing. This is an essential skill, as they’ll be able to undress quickly to get to the toilet in time.

Make sure they have elastic or stretchy pants that are easy to push down and pull up. This is a process that requires lots of practice and patience for children to master, so it’s good to start early!

4. “Would you like to sit on the potty?”

In the Montessori approach, we begin asking the child if they would like to use the toilet once they can get on and off independently.

Even if they always say no at first, it’s useful to offer each time you change them. Your little may just sit there for a couple of seconds, but they’re still getting used to the idea of using the toilet and will become more comfortable each time.

While there is no universal age for children to start using the toilet, many children begin to become interested between 12-18 months.Try not to put any pressure on your child or seem too eager. This is just a time to explore.

Related: 5 lies about potty training I wish I never listened to

5. “It’s time to use the toilet.”

As the child’s interest and ability in using the toilet increase, change your phrasing to “It’s time to use the toilet.” Many toddlers will automatically say “no” if you ask if they would like to do anything.

While you should never force a child to sit on the toilet, this change reflects that using the toilet is now an expectation, rather than just an option to explore. Ask your child to use the toilet each time you change a diaper. Try to time this according to when they usually need to go, such as upon waking and after a meal.

If they don’t want to, try offering a limited choice, such as, “You may use the toilet now or after you finish putting away your puzzle.”

You might also try something like, “You’re saying no, I see you’re not ready. I’ll come back in three minutes, and then it will be time to try.”

Related: These 21 potty training tweets make me feel seen

6. “You peed in the toilet just like Mom and Dad.”

The Montessori approach does not use any punishments, rewards, or extravagant praise.

Too much praise can put a lot of pressure on a child to repeat the performance, which can cause anxiety and an aversion to using the big kid potty.

Make fact-based, positive observations, but don’t let your child think you are emotionally invested in whether or not they successfully use it as. That’s too much pressure and too much control for a little one.

7. “You’re ready for underwear now.”

“Follow the child” is a common saying in Montessori, and this includes going to the bathroom. Rather than using a predetermined age when you think your child should be potty trained, try observing your child for signs of readiness.

These signs often include:

1. Their diaper staying dry for longer

2. Ability to push down and pull up pants

3. General interest in the toilet

4. Telling you when they need a diaper

5. Regularly using the toilet with success

Once your child seems ready to give up diapers, make the switch all at once (for his waking hours). It is too confusing to go back and forth (such as underwear at home, diapers while you are out).

Stay home for the first few days if possible (weekends are great) and remind them to use the toilet every 30-45 minutes. Cotton training pants can be very helpful during this time—unlike pull-ups, they allow your child to feel wet, but avoid some of the mess.

Related: Potty training is exhausting—but it will happen eventually, mama

8. “Your pants look wet. It’s time to change clothes.”

Even after your child is successfully in underwear, they will certainly not make it to the toilet every time. Try not to seem annoyed or grossed out when this happens, just observe what you see and state what needs to happen. “I see your shorts are wet. It’s time to use the toilet and change clothes.”

Involve your child in the cleanup process when they don’t make it to the toilet in time, giving a towel to help dry the floor and asking to choose fresh underwear to put on.

The toilet learning process can seem so daunting, but it helps to embrace the fact that you’re really not in control. All you can do is set your child up for success by encouraging their independence, having lots of patience, and using language that makes it a positive, low-pressure experience for everyone.

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Yes, it’s normal if your baby doesn’t crawl https://www.mother.ly/baby/baby-milestones/when-baby-doesnt-crawl/ Thu, 10 Mar 2022 17:31:56 +0000 https://www.mother.ly/?p=83169 It’s easy to get wrapped up in tracking your child’s developmental milestones from moment one—we all want the reassurance that our child is developing at a normal pace; that we’re doing this whole parenting thing the right way. But the thing is, of course, there’s no completely “normal” path when it comes to child development, just like there’s no one “right way” in parenting. Not every baby will smile at 2 months. Not every baby will crawl at 9 months. And that’s fine! Milestones are to be used as general guidelines, not concrete rules.

When The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) updated their list of developmental milestones in February 2022, some child development experts called out the fact that certain milestones, like crawling, shouldn’t have been removed from the list. But the timeline for when babies crawl is a bit of a fuzzy benchmark—it can vary a lot, notes pediatrician and parent coach Molly O’Shea, MD, FAAP

“Unlike social and language skills, motor skills aren’t influenced much by parents,” Dr. O’Shea explains. “Babies’ brains are wired for motor development and will learn skills on their own timeline.” 

When do babies crawl?

The previous CDC guidelines stated that 50% of babies crawl at 9 months. But the actual range is much wider. “Most babies crawl after they sit up and before they pull to stand, so between 6 and 12 months,” says Dr. O’Shea. “Some babies never crawl, though, at least not in the traditional way.” 

Some may roll to get where they want to go, while others may use just their arms, army-crawl style, and still others may scoot on their bottoms, she adds. “As long as your child is pulling to stand and cruising, crawling doesn’t have to happen.”

Is it normal if a child skips crawling?

It’s perfectly normal if your baby doesn’t crawl, says occupational therapist Brittany Ferri, PhD, a medical advisor at Medical Solutions BCN

“Everyone develops at a different rate and some children skip creeping/crawling and move right to pulling to stand and walking,” Dr. Ferri notes. “However, if a child is around 9 months old and doesn’t show any tendencies toward purposeful movement (e.g. moving the arms by reaching for objects, wriggling the legs and toes and trying to push up by bridging), then this is something you should mention to your child’s doctor.”

It’s also normal if your child does crawl. When the CDC eliminated the crawling milestone from their list, they were essentially acknowledging the fact that it’s normal for some children to skip crawling and go right from unsupported sitting to furniture walking (cruising while holding onto tables, chairs and sofa cushions) to walking. 

“This is by no means saying that crawling is abnormal,” Dr. Ferri stresses. “Rather, that it’s not a long-lasting skill that will be with a child for years to come.”

Is crawling an important milestone for other skills, like reading? 

Not necessarily. “Some people used to think that crawling was a necessary step in development and affected other things like reading, but we have learned that it isn’t a necessary step,” notes Dr. O’Shea. Especially because it’s so variable in timing and in the way it looks. 

That speaks to how developmental milestones are designed to be used. They’re intended as a way for pediatricians (and parents) to identify children who may benefit from early intervention—not as a checklist or a guarantee of future skills. If your child doesn’t meet one of the milestones, it’s meant to be used as a jumping off point for a conversation about next steps with your pediatrician, not as a reason to immediately worry that something’s wrong.  

But of course, crawling is not without benefits. “Crawling can certainly help with coordination, since a child must move the arms and legs in a good balance in order to effectively move forward,” says Dr. Ferri. “Crawling can also encourage greater extremity strength, since a child must support their entire weight while on all fours. In these ways, crawling can certainly serve a benefit if a child naturally progresses to this milestone.” 

It may also help with spatial memory, attention and creativity, given how the neural pathways light up in the brain when crawling, says Esther Ruber Lavi, an occupational therapist, infant sleep consultant and CEO/founder of Dream Big Baby.

Should you encourage your child to crawl?

It depends on your little one. “If a child is not showing any signs of crawling and instead is visibly attempting to pull to standing and start walking, parents should encourage that,” notes Dr. Ferri. “However, if a child is assuming an ‘on-all-fours’ position in preparation for crawling but is struggling to actually crawl, parents can certainly help them.” 

How to encourage healthy movement and motor skills in your baby:

Dr. O’Shea and Dr. Ferri share their best tips.

  • Offer plenty of floor playtime to allow for exploration. Have toys both within reach and out of reach but in sight to allow your baby to get more interested in moving around.
  • Help strengthen their legs by holding them under their arms so that their feet are slightly off the ground, which will encourage their legs to move in an attempt to reach the ground. 
  • Limit distractions, keeping TVs and screens off in the background to help your baby focus on other interesting objects and be more intrigued by moving. Don’t forget to baby-proof your home!
  • Encouraging tummy time is crucial, but parents should also allow their child to assume a variety of positions (on their back, on their sides, and on their tummy) to encourage them to strengthen many parts of their body. 
  • Model crawling behavior. You can crawl alongside your baby to show them how to move, which also helps with the parent-child bond.

When should you worry about baby not crawling?

At the end of the day, if you’re concerned that your child isn’t meeting developmental milestones, be sure to bring it up with your pediatrician, who can offer expert advice on your unique child.

Featured experts

Brittany Ferri, PhD, OTR/L, CPRP, is an occupational therapist and medical advisor for Medical Solutions BCN.

Esther Ruber Lavi, OTR/L, is an occupational therapist, infant sleep coach and CEO/Founder of Dream Big Baby, doula, and parent wellness specialist at Wevillage.

Molly O’Shea, MD, FAAP, is a pediatrician, consultant, parent coach and speaker based in Birmingham, MI.

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CDC and AAP just changed developmental milestone guidelines for the first time in decades https://www.mother.ly/health-wellness/cdc-aap-developmental-milestones/ Fri, 11 Feb 2022 16:59:45 +0000 https://www.mother.ly/?p=77897 Developmental milestones are a helpful tool for both parents and pediatricians to get a general sense of how a child is developing. And while they’re not a perfect metric—not all babies will meet all milestones at exactly the same time, by any means—they can be useful in spotting signs where a child may need more support.

The original milestone guidelines you’ve likely seen at your child’s well visits were created in 2004 under the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)’s Learn the Signs. Act Early (LTSAE) program, and haven’t been updated since.

That was 18 years ago—and so much has changed since then, especially our understanding of social-emotional development. 

With a goal of making early identification of developmental delays easier, experts from The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recently convened to update the checklist of developmental milestones for infants and toddlers. 

“This has been a need that is long overdue,” Paul Lipkin, a pediatrician and director of medical outpatient services at the Kennedy Krieger Institute in Baltimore, tells The Washington Post. Dr. Lipkin was on the committee that updated the milestones. 

How the AAP developmental milestones are changing

The newly revised developmental milestones are written in family-friendly language and identify the behaviors that 75% or more of children can be expected to exhibit at a certain age. Previous LTSAE checklists used 50th percentile milestones or listed an average age of achievement.

The main issue with using the average age of achievement approach is that only half of children were expected to achieve that milestone by that age, the AAP writes in a press statement. This often led to a wait-and-see approach, rather than early action to mitigate future delays. 

Now, the new guidelines specify that 75% of children are able to reach these behavior and achievement milestones by a certain age, offering doctors and parents a clearer picture of typical developmental behavior, like picking up cereal with their fingers (1 year) or banging two objects together (9 months). 

View the milestones checklists by age >>

“Clinicians reported that following the former guideline often was not helpful to individual families who had concerns about their child’s development; in some cases, it led to delays in diagnoses as clinicians and families chose a wait-and-see approach,” states the AAP.

“The earlier a child is identified with a developmental delay the better, as treatment as well as learning interventions can begin,” says Dr. Lipkin in the statement. “At the same time, we don’t want to cause unnecessary confusion for families or professionals. Revising the guidelines with expertise and data from clinicians in the field accomplishes these goals. Review of a child’s development with these milestones also opens up a continuous dialogue between a parent and the health care provider about their child’s present and future development.”

Tracking developmental milestones

The newly revised guidelines also place an emphasis on developmental surveillance rather than screening tests, encouraging an open dialogue between parents and their child’s pediatrician throughout the first year and beyond to continue monitoring behavior to meet developmental goals.

The updates also include social-emotional markers that may suggest an autism diagnosis if not met by a certain age, such as smiling to get attention, which should happen in 75% of 4-month-olds. More social-emotional milestones were added for other ages, too, such as showing caregivers affection by hugging and kissing at 15 months. 

Having key indicators for potential signs of autism can better equip parents to advocate for early intervention, which, studies show, can help reduce the chance of an autism diagnosis in later years. One 2021 study found that parent-led therapy in babies showing early signs of autism spectrum disorder (ASD) reduces the chance of later ASD diagnosis at age 3 by 66%. 

According to the CDC, additional changes to the AAP developmental milestones include:

  • Adding checklists for ages 15 and 30 months; now there is a checklist for every well-child visit from ages 2 months to 5 years
  • Identifying additional social and emotional milestones (Example: Smiles on their own to get your attention, age 4 months)
  • Removing vague language like “may” or “begins” when referring to certain milestones and using plain language instead
  • Removing duplicate milestones
  • Providing new, open-ended questions to use in discussion with families (Example: Is there anything that your child does or does not do that concerns you?)
  • Revising and expanding tips and activities for developmental promotion and early relational health

Your pediatrician’s office should have an updated copy of the new milestones ready for your next well visit, but you can also print the pdfs for home use. The CDC also offers a free Milestone Tracker app

A version of this story was originally published on February 11, 2022. It has been updated.

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Ready to potty train? Here’s your shopping list https://www.mother.ly/toddler/toddler-products/potty-training-supplies-and-tips/ Fri, 14 Jan 2022 18:26:15 +0000 https://www.mother.ly/?p=67764 In the Parenting Olympics, Potty Training can be both a sprint and/or a marathon. There’s the famed 3-Day Potty Training Method (often credited to the self-proclaimed “Potty Training Queen” Lora Jensen, but with roots that reach back to the 1970’s) and similar bootcamp-esque approaches. There are also those among us who do all the things and over the course of months have to remind ourselves that we won’t be sending them to college in diapers.

In fact, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, by the time they’re between 5 and 6, the majority of girls and more than 75 percent of boys are fully potty trained and dry at night. The trickier part can be determining when they’re ready.

Related: 8 Montessori-inspired phrases to use for each stage of potty training

Experts suggest there are two forms of readiness, emotional and physical, and both matter equally. Some key indicators are things like curiosity about the toilet itself, long stretches of dry diapers, hiding while they poop and even showing an interest in wearing underwear. Of course you know your little one best, and they may be ready before checking all of those boxes.

Whichever way you choose to approach it, success favors the prepared. If you’re ready to ditch the diapers, you’re going to need a few key potty training supplies. From potty chairs to step stools, underwear to toilet inserts, we’ve gathered up the most highly recommended must-haves to make reaching this milestone a little easier.

Read on to find all the potty training supplies and tips you need to make the whole process a little easier on everyone!

Best potty chairs

babybjorn potty chair

BabyBjörn

$29.99

Potty Chair

Perfect for the early days of potty training, the BABYBJORN Potty Chair is a classic for a reason. The Swedish design has been a best seller for ages, helping little ones and their parents find comfort, confidence and toilet training success. (My oldest is 16 and he had one!)

It’s sized just right for toddlers, sitting directly on the floor and calming any fears of the “grown-up” toilet. The high back and armrests make it inviting to relax and stay awhile while the groove-free construction and removable inner potty is super easy to keep clean.

As an added bonus, it comes in a wide variety of soft neutral colors that won’t clash with your bathroom decor.

The first years super pooper plus potty seat

The First Years

$34.99

Super Pooper Plus Potty Seat

With a few extra bells and whistles, the Super Pooper Plus (you just giggled at that, admit it) is a great option for kids who struggle with number two. The scaled-down mini toilet comes with a tot-sized Squatty Potty-esque footrest that helps get them into more of a squat position that can help ease the process. It also comes equipped with two “flush” buttons that make realistic flushing and cheering sounds to congratulate them on their performance. When they’re ready to transition to the real thing, the seat itself can become an insert for the regular toilet.

Best toilet seat inserts

babybjorn toilet training seat

BabyBjörn

$34.99

Toilet Training Seat

Once your kiddo is a little older (though you can totally use this from day one) many prefer to use the regular toilet. In that case, a potty seat is a great option to reduce the size of the opening and the risk of them falling in. (As an added bonus, no need to empty after use. #Winning!) This super popular model from BabyBjörn is the only version we know of with an adjustable dial underneath, a feature which helps better customize the fit and keeps it from sliding. It also has a built-in splash guard and a convenient hook for hanging.

Mayfair NextStep2 toilet seat

MAYFAIR

$43.99

NextStep2 Toilet Seat with Built-In Potty Training Seat

For families who’d rather not deal with the fuss of plopping an insert in and out each time, the NextStep2 Toilet Seat with Built-In Potty Training Seat provides the best of both worlds. The standard sized toilet seat has a toddler seat built right in which can be flipped up and down as needed. We also appreciate the magnet which holds the toddler portion up and the slow close feature to keep little fingers safe. (And bonus! No slamming!)

Best Travel Potties

oxo tot 2-in-1 go potty

OXO Tot

$20.95

2-in-1 Go Potty

With a near-perfect rating and thousands of reviews, parents of potty training (and potty trained) kids call this foldable seat a “total lifesaver,” a “must-have,” and “the best potty seat on the market.” It sets up in a cinch and can be used with a liner (or regular ol’ plastic bag) when you’re on-the-go, from the sidelines of the soccer field to the back of the SUV. And with the legs locked, it can be used on top of public toilets, reducing their fears and the ick factor.

jool folding travel potty

Jool

$14.99

Folding Travel Potty

Another model that gets top marks from reviewers and experts is the super simple Jool folding travel potty. The impressively compact design can be used at home or in public to make them more comfortable on the grown-up toilet. Suction cups keep it secure and when they’re done, it folds flat into the included travel bag.

Best Step Stools

babybjorn step stool

BabyBjörn

$19.99

Step Stool

Whether to reach the toilet or to wash their hands after, a step stool is a bathroom necessity. The best ones are light enough for kiddos to move around on their own and most importantly, equipped with non-slip feet and footrests. Parents have loved this BabyBjörn classic for ages as it meets all that criteria and comes in a variety of muted colors.

dreambaby stepstool

Dreambaby

$9.99

Step Stool

Simple, lightweight and inexpensive, this one checks all the boxes. And at that price, you can pick up one for each bathroom without breaking the bank.

skip hop toddler step stool

Skip Hop

$21.99

Double Up Toddler Step Stool

For kiddos who need a little extra height, this clever 2-in-1 style from Skip Hop can be used as a single two-step step stool or taken apart and used separately. (And it conveniently nests to save space!)

Best potty training charts

montessori potty training reward chart

Thee Bomb Mom

$36

Montessori style potty training reward chart

This Montessori-inspired chart clearly connects their successes with a fun visual. You could opt to reward with a small toy or treat when they fill it, but if the thrill of getting to plunk one in is enough…

dinosaur potty training chart

Lexie's Silver Lining

$4

Printable Potty Training Chart

Sure, you could arts and crafts something, but it wouldn’t be this easy or stylish. The digital downloads from LexiesSilverLining via Etsy can be printed to your heart’s content and filled out with stickers or a simple check mark.

Best potty training underwear

hanna andersson training underwear

Hanna Andersson

$35

Organic Cotton Training Unders (5-pack)

Regardless of the fact that disposable training pants have become synonymous with potty training, let’s call them what they are–more expensive diapers. Because they wick wetness away, kids stay comfortable peeing in them and carrying on about their business. Experts instead generally recommend cotton training underwear which allows the child to know when they’ve had an accident but keeps it from leaking through. They also look and feel like big kid underpants–a point of pride for most kiddos!

We love all things Hanna Andersson for their reliable, high-quality organic cotton clothes and their training underwear are no exception. The 4-ply construction features an absorbent poly interlining that doesn’t touch their skin but helps corral wetness inside. (Note: Some say the leg holes are on the smaller side, so be sure to check their chart when sizing!)

moo moo training underwear

Moo Moo Baby

$24.89

Potty Training Pants

This top-rated style comes recommended by experts and parents alike for their value and performance. Made from six layers which include cotton and PUL fabric (like you’d find in most cloth diapers) they give enough protection against accidents without defeating the purpose.

Extra supplies

sureguard crib mattress protector

SureGuard

$27.97

Crib and Toddler Bed Mattress Protector

Nighttime accidents are bound to happen, so protecting the mattress from stains and wetness is key. This highly-rated waterproof cover is Greenguard Gold certified and designed for cribs and toddler beds with a 100% cotton terry surface that keeps little ones from overheating. It’s equipped with a noiseless waterproof TPU backing.

saferest mattress protector

SafeRest

$27.99

Mattress Protector

For kiddos in regular sized beds (or if they sneak into yours!) the SafeRest Mattress Protector comes highly recommended. Not only is it Amazon’s top choice, boasting over 208K ratings but one enthusiastic reviewer even notes his wife unexpectedly gave birth on their bed and thanks to the product, the mattress was completely fine. If that’s not a ringing endorsement, I don’t know what is.

disposable training pads

Medpride

$22.95

Disposable Underpads

When my son was potty training, I remembered the bag of leftover home birth supplies I’d stashed away. (Yes, I’m that mom.) I have to admit, I felt pretty smug about holding onto it once I fished out the remaining chux pads. They’re perfect for protecting the couch, carseat, or even the rug if you’re doing the no-bottoms method. And the best part? When an accident happens, you just ball it up and throw it away. They’re great for travel too!

alvababy wet dry bags

Alvababy

$9.99

Wet Bags

Because no one loves stuffing pee-soaked underwear in their bag, these waterproof sacks are a great thing to have on hand. And you’ll find they come in handy in so many ways. From beach trips to our own gym sessions, they’re indispensable!

dryeasy bedwetting alarm

DryEasy

$39.99

Bedwetting Alarm

Desperate times call for desperate measures. My oldest could sleep in the middle of 6th Avenue during the Macy’s Parade, so nighttime potty training literally took years. I can count on one hand how many accidents he had during the day, but every night would have been puddle-city without a pull up, even if I dragged him like a zombie to the bathroom before going to bed myself. By the time he was almost seven I was at my wit’s end. At the recommendation of friend who had waged the same battle, I resorted to a bedwetting alarm. It took about a month, but it worked! The idea is simple. Clip the small sensor to their underwear (the front for boys, a little farther back for girls), attach the alarm to their arm or pajama top and when the sensor detects wetness, it vibrates, makes noise or both. For the first couple weeks, my son slept through it and it’d jump out of bed to dash him to the bathroom. Eventually he learned to wake up when it went off which soon enough translated to waking without a party in his pants. And then I went on vacation with the thousands of dollars I’d set aside for a decade’s worth of pull ups. (Kidding!)

A version of this story was published January 14, 2021. It has been updated.

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